Can’t do it alone….

“You are never strong enough that you don't need help.” 

- César Chávez

Writing on a weekly basis provides a thread of continuity in my life.  The vast majority of time, I find it interesting and in many ways fulfilling.  Sometimes, however, it takes a little more work. 

Regardless, a routine has developed over the past several years, and goes a little like this:

Sunday morning the piece goes out, and there is a gentle warming calm that comes from hitting that ‘publish’ button as the blog is posted.

Monday, unless struck by some inspiration, the blog is the furthest thing from my mind.

Tuesday, when I check the calendar for the day, a small voice says, “Maybe it’s time to poke around a little and peek under a rock or two.”

Wednesday, if there is no inspiration, the day passes without much conscious thought about Sunday morning.

Thursday, however, is the day when my brain quits ‘poking around,’ and begins to put a little more earnestness into the weekend that is creeping its way toward me.

Friday, if all the digging around is fruitless, the ‘mountain’ begins to look a little more challenging.

Saturday, if the page is still blank, Sunday morning looms with a foreboding sense that the chasm lies ahead and there is no net.

Usually, the Saturday angst does not happen, because sometime during the week an idea or experience has emerged that provides inspiration.  In the end, however, it is about Sunday…the day when the ‘paper is due’…when the deadline is no longer on the horizon, but at hand.  Sunday, in the context of this weekly exercise, truly is the ‘…day of rest…’ when, and only when the morning task is complete and the forward step taken.

A momentary pause…

My father had Parkinson’s disease, which in the end cost him his life.  While this seems completely unrelated to the rhythm of weekly blog preparation, in fact, it has everything to do with it. 

Those with profound Parkinson’s are often unable to move which cause both they and their care providers considerable challenges in activities of daily living. Yet this devastating neurologic disease has some interesting phenomena associated with it.

For example, if my father wanted to lift his arm, he would have to consciously think about it for several seconds and then the limb would begin a slow jerky movement.  On the other hand, if I tossed him a ball or beanbag, he could quickly reach out and grab it.  On a flat surface, he shuffled his feet in a painfully slow gait, but if put on an uneven or broken sidewalk, he could walk almost normally.  This is one of the hallmarks of this disease.

In its later stages, many people simply cannot walk and stand still – frozen in space.  However, if an object is placed on the floor in front of them, they will step over it.  It is a curious thing to watch a care provider place items sequentially in front a person with this degree of Parkinson’s in order to move them from one place to another.  

My father was articulate regarding this disease as it took his life by inches, and spoke often to me of how frustrating it was to ‘see’ himself getting helplessly and progressively worse.

The connection…

The Sunday morning deadline is one of the ‘objects’ I have chosen to place in front of me – forcing movement ‘across the room of life.’  Forward movement is critical for growth, but sometimes a little help from friends is needed – self imposed or other wise.  Sunday morning is one of those ‘friends,’ looming on the horizon of self-exploration and conscious thought.  Without ‘Sunday morning,’ maybe there is no step forward…no step forward, no growth…no growth? Ouch!

I suppose, if I were to be completely transparent, I have spent my life looking for and placing ‘Sunday mornings’ in front of me in order to move forward personally, professionally and spiritually.  Some of those ‘mornings’ have come through the interest and guidance of others, some self-imposed.  Maybe this suggests I don’t have the will power and drive to simply move forward through life on my own…maybe none of us can.

I am uncertain I am smart enough to figure any of this out.  One thing I do know, however, is that ‘Sunday mornings’ when the task is done I rejoice in the “…gentle warming calm that comes from hitting that ‘publish’ button as the blog is posted.”

- ted