Young as you feel...

“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life

appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting

old doesn’t appeal to anyone.”

- Andy Rooney,

Contributor to

60 Minutes

Lunch was good…the conversation, as I had come to expect, lively, interesting and informative.

Dave and I have met off and on since my arrival in Tucson. He is a psychology academic at the University and a very thoughtful fellow. I had initially sought his input for a project, and we met two or three times to talk about it. We hadn’t chatted for several months…it was good to catch up.

Tucson has a recently installed streetcar system called the Sun Link, and as surely as its namesake implies, with the exception of Monsoon season, it makes its 3.9-mile (6.3km) trek under clear skies through the downtown area, small shops and alternative music venues of the 4^th avenue district, and the University of Arizona Campus.

The New York Times recently ran a thoughtful article titled: “In Tucson, an Unsung Architectural Oasis.”  A fair amount of that architecture slipped by the trolley windows on the ride from the Congress Street station – where I had parked my car to avoid finding a spot downtown – to lunch at the Wilko Eatery just across the street from the main entrance to the University of Arizona campus.

After lunch, I headed down the block, back to the Trolley stop.  It was 110F (43.3C)!

The boarding platforms along the route are open air, and have coverings to shield waiting riders from the electromagnetic and ultraviolet rays streaming to earth unimpeded by anything but blue sky. The shaded areas have comfortable white single seats made from woven metal strips and molded for short-term comfort.

Having been sitting for the previous hour, I leaned against a shaded post, reviewing the topics of conversation with Dave.

Out of the clear blue…

“Excuse me sir, would you like to take this seat?”

Since I was certain these words were not intended for me, I continued standing against the post in focused thought.

“Excuse me sir,” the voice a little louder.

“Would you like to take this seat?”

I turned to see a young man looking straight at me…AT ME!!

It took a moment to register that the look and the voice were intended for me.

In my best internal Robert Di Nero imitation I thought,

Are you talking to me?          

ARE YOU TALKING TO ME!!??

He was talking to me.

I thought, Seriously, are you kidding??  Would I like to take this seat! Really?!

I wanted to say, “Hey kid, how about laying it down for a quick arm wrestle.”

Or maybe…

“Listen young man, for a dollar I’ll race you to the main gate of the University and back!”

What I actually said was, “Thanks for the offer. I appreciate it, but I’m good.”

With that, I glanced at the entrance gates to the University, then down at the tracks trying to appear preoccupied in thought, which by the way had vacated my brain with the speed of a balloon recently released without tying off its end.

I quietly muttered to myself that perhaps the kid had been in the sun a little too long himself, and while considerate was…DELUSIONAL!

…take this seat indeed!!

Could I handle the truth…

When I got home, I related the story to Molly expecting her to say, “You know kids. Adults just look older to them. You are vibrant and interesting…you look young for your age. Ignore what the polite young man said.” She might even continue, “You are my shining prince, ever youthful…” Come on Moll, I’m ready, pump me up!

What she said was, “You have looked pretty old for a long time.”

Once again, whatever air had filled that balloon on the way home, evaporated into the ether. In this case, however, there was no place to glance, no way to look preoccupied…the woman knows every move I have! I put on my best face and thought.

Well, I don’t feel like an old guy!

In her defense, she did say it with a gentle pat…in a loving and caring tone of voice.

Lemons…lemonade?

Perhaps, in spite of how I feel, I need to come to grips with the fact that time has moved faster than I thought and apparently I look like the kind of person who needs a little help…maybe even a shaded place to sit on a hot summer’s day at a trolley stop in Tucson, Arizona.

Next time, I’ll invite Dave to my place for lunch!

- ted

Short film - long view...

“Right now, today, we are still alive, and our bodies are working

marvelously. Our eyes can still see the beautiful sky. Our

ears can hear the voices of our loved ones.”

- Thich Nhat Hanh

I lost my sister and mother to variations of Alzheimer’s disease – early and late onset respectively.

Nancy drifted into the abyss in a short four years, her final breath at the too early age of 62. Mother languished for more than a decade in the increasing darkness that pulled the life out of her with the unrelenting power of the receding lunar tides. Her final breath came at the age of 93.

The commonality between the two, was increasing blackness into which they fell with a deadly acceleration that did not plateau at 32 feet per second, per second (gravity’s pull).

Alzheimer’s is hard because it seems the mind becomes trapped in loops of repeated thought, simultaneously erased once spoken…each time retold as though it were the first.

One cannot predict any of this, but one can cherish and love those for whom they deeply care whilst they are still in their presence.

A friend from high school shared a video with me, herewith retold.

Picture the setting in your mind’s eye as the story unfolds.

Short film…

[Open] An old fellow (70ish) sitting on bench under shade of large tree with his son (late 30s) in the backyard of a large, old stone home…Old man stares forward; son reads newspaper.

A small bird makes an appearance; the dialogue begins:

OLD MAN

“What is that?”

Looking up from briefly from the paper, glancing at old man:

SON

“A sparrow.”

A few moments later the bird sings:

OLD MAN

“What is that?”

Shaking the paper for emphasis and looking at old man:

SON

“I just told you father, a sparrow!”

Cut to bird flying to the branch of beautiful green leafed maple tree and then to the ground, still singing.

Cut to old man continuing to stare forward:

 OLD MAN

“What is that?”

Exasperated and now clearly distracted:

SON

 “A sparrow father, a sparrow”

Increased emphasis and stern look spells word:

SON

 “S-P-A-R-R-O-W!”

Old man still staring forward.

OLD MAN

“What is that?”

The son angrily responds:

SON

“Why are you doing this?

I told you so many times,

it’s a sparrow!! Can’t you get it!?”

Silently, old man gets up from bench turns 180 degrees to the right and begins to walk away on stone path from bench.

SON

“Where are you going?”

Old man climbs stairs and disappears into house leaving an annoyed, frustrated son sitting alone.

Cut to scene a few minutes later:

Father returns with a book in hand and sits back down on bench. He thumbs through the pages until he finds a particular place and hands book to son, pointing to a particular passage.

Son begins to silently read:

OLD MAN

“Loud”

 Son reads aloud:

SON

“Today, my youngest son, who

a few days ago turned three, was

sitting with me at the park when

a sparrow sat in front of us.”

“My son asked me 21 times what

it was and I answered 21 times that

 it was [turning the page] a sparrow.”

“I hugged him every single time

he asked me the same question.

Again and again without getting

mad, feeling affection for my

innocent little boy.”

Young man weeps, reaches for father…hugs and kisses him.

Fade to black.

The Long view?

Love ‘em while you got ‘em...then love ‘em ‘til YOU are done!

- ted

Chronic disease - managed, not cured...

 Oh I get by with a little help from my friends

I get high with a little help from my friends

Gonna try with a little help from my friends

- Lennon & McCartney

I may possibly be as lazy a fellow as you will ever meet!

Laziness is like a chronic disease. It comes on almost imperceptibly, until it has you squarely in its clutches. As it is with most chronic disease, it is amazingly easy to do nothing about it – until it is very late in the game.

The paradox, of course, is that the ease with which one does nothing brings with it a free-floating anxiety leading to a sense of meaninglessness. In other words, the effects of chronicity get worse.

For my disease, I have found a lovely medicine that seems to help most of the time. The treatment? Duty! Duty, the sense of commitment, loyalty, faithfulness and even obligation is a powerful prescription indeed.

Take a moment and think about one or two things that have brought a sense of satisfaction to your life. 

I doubt you thought of a great party, special vacation taken or rock concert you attended. Chances are overwhelmingly good you thought about difficult tasks successfully accomplished:

- Surviving the war

- Raising children

- Finishing school

- Building a small business

- Overcoming a difficult relationship

- Remodeling a car

- <Fill in the blank in your life>

Duty…one of the great motivators in the journey of life.

A little understanding…

In medicine, chronic disease is NEVER cured, it is simply managed to minimize its effect on life’s activities. I have learned to use duty to manage my chronic cognitive disease!

To understand this more fully, consider profound Parkinson’s disease. I am intimate with this, because my father suffered the throes of this progressively malignant illness the last 20 years of his life.  It is a horrible disorder that slowly robs one of conscious motor control, while leaving them with pretty much intact reflexes. For example, they may not be able to more than shuffle on flat surfaces, yet walk almost normally on rough sidewalks or pavement. They may have great difficulty lifting their arm to grasp something, yet if you toss them a ball; they will reflexively and quickly reach out and grab it.

In the latter stages, some people are unable to even take a step forward while standing. A phenomenon of Parkinson’s is that if you place something in front of them on the floor, they will reflexively step right over it. By placing small objects sequentially in front of someone so afflicted, they are able to move from one place to another.

Chronic laziness management…

This brings me to ‘duty’ the small item that when placed in front of me, causes an almost reflex reaction to an event or circumstance I would NOT be able to perform on my own.

It works like this. I accept responsibility for a task...presentation…paper to write. I would NEVER, left to my own devices, be able to proactively take them on without having committed to them and utilizing duty to get them done!

Every single time, regardless of past experience, there is an uncertainty as to whether the task will be completed, yet there is the confidence that my old companion duty will be right there on my shoulder using whatever tools it might need to encourage, cajole, seduce or condemn me to get a move on and complete the mission.

Left to my own devices, I would have found myself rudderless in life’s uncharted oceans…an unwired brain treading water with not a single idea of the direction to go…drowning in confusion and self-doubt.

BUT – and it is a gratefully big BUT! Duty was there…has always been there, and for that I am grateful indeed.

I am certain God knows how to take care of wayward souls, and I am equally certain when He throws a life raft it is important to make the choice to climb in. I am further certain each of us has unique needs and require custom tools for our lives…for me it has been duty!

There is little doubt I suffer from a significantly chronic case of laziness…While duty may have cured nothing, it has certainly reduced the friction of the journey.

- ted