Sunday, December 30, 2012

Christmas 'present' – both ways…


"Is it not the spirit we share
rather than the time?"
- Anonymous 

“This is from Mom,” she said, and suddenly it all came rushing back.  It was good, because we were all together and the moment was cathartic…cleansing…in many ways clarifying – you know, the way the comfort of Christmas season and intimacy of loved ones does.  Yep just the three of us…a family of old, and in a way a family of new.

The three of us had been counting the days for Mariah’s arrival this Christmas.  It seems she has been in school most of her life – in fact she has, so breaking for a little family time during the holidays was good for all.  Someone once said, “Our children begin to leave us at their birth…” I was touched by these simple but profoundly thoughtful words reflecting, in a different way, the words my mother had spoken to me as a youngster.

When I was a child…
“Teddy, you don’t belong to us,” she said. 

“We prayed for you and God gave you to us.” 

She continued,  “We are blessed to be able to care for and protect you until you are ready to live your own life, but you belong to God.” 

At the time it seemed a natural thing to hear from her.  I wouldn’t have thought I had been found by the roadside and taken in by a compassionate and caring couple, or that my mother was, in some way, suggesting I was an unexpected and unwilling obligation.  No, she spoke quietly as she held me in the safety and warmth of her arms as she had so often done.  She would remind me of another mother who had commended her son to God, and a story in the scripture that would be my favorite to this very day.

Samuel…
There was a fellow by the name of Elkahah (el-cane-ah) who had two wives by the names of Pininnah (pin-knee-nah) and Hannah – pronunciation unnecessary…

At any rate, while Hannah was the most beloved of the two women, she was barren and for her this was a problem.  The story goes that she prayed to God:

“…O Lord of hosts, if thou wilt indeed look on the affliction of thine handmaid, and remember me, and not forget thine handmaid, but wilt give unto thine handmaid a man child, then I will give him unto the Lord all the days of his life…” (1 Samuel 1:11 – Bible)

A little later in the 19th verse of that chapter, the favorite scripture of my favorite story says:

and Elkanah knew Hannah his wife; and the Lord remembered her.”

As she had prayed, so God had answered with the conception and birth of Samuel…He had “…remembered her.”  In like manner, my mother believed her prayer had been answered with my conception and safe arrival into the world.

Rather than feeling somehow unloved by her comments, the setting, the warmness of her arms, the gentleness of her voice…all made me feel special, deeply cared for…something, not clearly understood, but something unique…something bigger…

Another mother, another child…
When my younger sister came to live with us, her daughter was still in process – cells dividing, and dividing once again with amazing focus and deliberation.  They were following an ancient, but predictable recipe concocted in the intertwined DNA of her conception.  Like the most wonderful of stews, by the most talented of grandmothers, the arrival of the child came closer and closer.  There was little doubt, as I am certain is the feeling of impending mothers everywhere, this new creature would be special, and from her perspective, little doubt, a gift from God.

Eventually Mariah landed on the planet with energy and oomph.  As with most children, I suppose, she would chart a course completely unknown, with nothing more than a compass of curiosity – oh yes, and an appetite! 

Nancy was a good mother…a bedtime snuggler/reader…a fiercely vocal supporter of her daughter’s athletic adventures…a great eye for dress and appearance…a diligent teacher of good manners and social grace…a woman of faith who not only talked the talk, but walked the walk of her Christian journey – providing example of word and behavior that would shape her daughter’s life.

For fourteen years, we all lived together, the four of us – Molly, Nancy, Mariah and me.  Oh, and lest I forget a few cats here and there.

And so the years passed with all of us looking forward to the future…the future…

Unpredictable – yes, that’s it…
The future, however, as the fickle unwinding of time so often does, was not at all what we expected…it never really is – is it?  I suppose if we knew what was forthcoming in life with all its granularity and intimate detail, we might not feel we were up to the task.  Imagine for a moment all the food you have eaten in your life, and now imagine how difficult it would be to believe you could eat all that stuff!!

I suppose the ‘softness’ of missing detail in visions of the future and the incremental – small bites – is part of God’s way of allowing us to take the next, yet unfamiliar step…you know, keeping us on the lookout for a better day…

And so, in the “…missing detail…” of future events, Nancy was taken from us in the most unforeseen of manners.  Not suddenly through the precipitous loss from an unexpected catastrophic event or accident, but slowly with the ever present and mounting suffocation of her mind…until that gentle soul could bear the burden no longer and slipped from our grasp.  The effect of my sister’s unanticipated early departure from this sphere left me without a sister and Mariah without a mother. 

From the darkness, “…let there be light…”
I will try to express the nuance that is in my heart on this issue…nuance…hearts – two very difficult things to express when attempting to exact ‘feeling laden’ thought. 

Since moving to the Southwest, Mariah has visited us any number of times.  The operative word here “visited” in the slipperiness of the ‘vocabulary poor’ wordsmith.  You see, she had a home…the small nuclear family of she and her mother – rich, deep, meaningful beyond description. 

Now, in the most unwilling of ways, she has been set free from one…but joined to another.  This Christmas season she DID NOT come to visit us in Southern California…she came home.  For now ‘we’ are her nuclear family…we are her home.  She is now ‘we’ in the most wonderful of ways.  When we talk about our family, it no longer means Molly, me, and the cats.  For ‘we’ have grown by one, and the sum exceeds the parts in immeasurable ways.

This year, our family sat together Christmas morning and shared small gifts with one another.  They were, of course, not necessary to express the love we feel…not filled with expectation as to what might be unwrapped next, but rather the simple pleasure of watching each other smile at the ‘thought’ that was put into a little brightly wrapped something.

But then, Mariah handed me a small envelope and said, “This is from Mom.”  In the latter years, when she still had some attachment to the world from which she was becoming ever more estranged, my sister gave little gift cards with which to buy a book or some other small thing.  In the envelope was such a card, and in the remaining moments of our Christmas morning there were not three of us…there were four. 

In those brief moments we appreciated, once again, that presence does not mean sight and touch.  For we all felt that ‘fourth’ soul as though she were sitting among us, for surely she was.  As our ‘Father’s spirit’ touched us, so did hers…

No doubt my mother had shared with Nancy, those same gentle words given to me…Nancy did not belong to her or my father…she belonged to God.

…and so she does. 

- ted

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Shift your thoughts - maybe your life...


“Fear not to die, but rather not to live
Fear ‘not to do’…’not to be’”
- Anonymous

“Would you be willing to be a mentor for ‘M’?” 

Scott and Gen are a most interesting couple.  They make thoughtful, and deliberately strategic decisions about the way they raise their children, and then go about the business of executing the plan.

“Hmmm…” I thought, “I might need a little more.”  

With perfect timing he continued, “We would like you take ‘M’ out to lunch or find a little time with her and share a principle you think is important to know in life.” 

“What we are looking for is an adult to give her one concept they have found helpful.  If you accept, you will be part of a small group of people we trust to share with her.”

“At the end of the year,” he continued, “All of the mentors will get together as a group and she will relate the ideas and what she learned.”

One idea – a challenge…
They say the mark of a good speaker is what he/she can say in five minutes, rather than an hour.  While I have worked with young people and mentored a few in my life, the proposition of providing ‘one’ idea was a bit intimidating.

As I sat in my office mulling this over, I glanced at the wall just to the left of the computer.  EUREKA!  There it was!!  Of course, ‘Thought Shifters.”

Thought shifters you say??  Yes indeed.

I am not sure where this idea came from…BUT as ideas slip by the small ‘consciousness spyglass’ of my mind, I occasionally reach out and grab one like a multicolored leaf one preserves between the pages of a book.

Life, now there’s a topic…
Most writers suggest life can be, and in fact is, a struggle.  It doesn’t take writers to tell us that!  Religions and philosophers of the world promise escape from the mundane, and the often-routine lives we find ourselves living. 

In fact, a lot of our time is spent looking forward and creating ways to “…fill the void…” What to do and with whom to do it?  Where to go?  What to see?  New things…something different…much like the Tim Rice lyric from Jesus Christ Superstar. 

The Apostles:
“What’s the buzz, tell me what’s a happening,
what’s the buzz tell me what’s a happening

Christ’s response:
“Why should you want to know?
Don't you mind about the future?
Don't you try to think ahead?
Save tomorrow for tomorrow;
think about today instead.”

The truth, of course, is that no matter what the season or where we go or what we do, we cannot escape ourselves.  Marcus Aurelius says, so often we feel the need to go somewhere or do something in order to find fulfillment, when the most exotic and amazing place we can travel is to the ‘continent of contentment’ within our own minds.

Easy to say…
This brings me to the ‘Thought Shifters’ and my one idea for ‘M.’

You see, it is within our minds we live…where EVERYTHING happens.  In fact, we have control over nothing else…not our health…home…families…work…possessions – NOTHING! 

All of these things…all of these things can be taken in a split second in an unanticipated moment of tragedy.  We need not look far to know this is absolutely true.  We can control, however, two things: The thoughts we let into our minds, AND the opinions we form as a result of those thoughts.

So ‘M’ and I had lunch.  It was a long and slow lunch.  We have been friends for many years, so there was a lot to talk about.  But when she said, “Okay, what do you have for me?”  I was prepared!!  I said, “Tell me about the things, or people, or places, or music, or whatever, that bring you pleasure.  Let me know what makes you feel safe, or secure, or loved, or cared for.”

She listed a number of items and we spent a little time reducing each to a single word or short phrase.  After the list was compiled, we reviewed.  I said, “When you find yourself struggling with your place in life, think of one of the items in this group.”  I continued, “When you are able to shift your thoughts to those ideas, you will find your ‘world’ will brighten.”

I took that list and made a small plastic card, about the size of a driver’s license, for ‘M’ to put in her purse, so she could pull it out as a ready resource…a sort of ‘emergency injection’ of confidence and assurance.

Later that year at the ‘mentor event’ in the living room of her home, she pulled the card out, passed it around and said it had been helpful…I was pleased!

What’s good for the goose…
And so, as I write, I am glancing at the list of ‘Thought Shifters’ that have come to the rescue many times in my life.  It contains the names of a few people I deeply love, and who, more importantly love me.  There are a couple of musicals…a place or two I have seen and some helpful phrases…all in all, about 16 items – in a way, a mental and spiritual menu for thought and meditation.

To be frank, the list had not always succeeded in elevating my spirits and attitude, but it has, by a vast degree, been more successful than not.  I absolutely do know this…with a little work – not much more than the effort it took to learn the alphabet or any other unknown subject – this little list on the wall of my office has kept me – on many, many occasions – in a brighter frame of mind.

As the Apostle Paul wrote and I firmly believe:

Finally, brethren,
whatsoever things are true,
whatsoever things are honest,
whatsoever things are just,
whatsoever things are pure,
whatsoever things are lovely,
whatsoever things are of good report;

if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise,
think on these things.
- Philppians 4:8 – Bible

From my mind to yours…blessings…

- ted

Sunday, December 16, 2012

The page is blank...


“For sale, baby shoes – never worn”
- E Hemmngway

“For sale, sheet music – never sung”
- Anonymous

There is little more intimidating than an empty page…it stares you down…it taunts you with the unspoken, “I am like your brain – BLANK!”

That, of course might be true, if the reason for the page being empty were because there is nothing to say. 

Too little – too much…
Sometimes there is a different reason for the page to lack words…sometimes it is because the thoughts are speeding at such a pace it is difficult to slow them down long enough to catch them from the sky and get them on paper…sometimes they are so heart wrenching and devastating that any attempt at the meaningful, seems trivial and empty.

And so I sit and think of Mariah, of Nathan and Kristin, of Cheryl and Enjoli and Michael and Ian and Cheri and Josh and Amanda and Ami and Ashley and a host of so many other children (now adults) with whom I was privileged to play and watch grow for 20 plus years when I co-directed a youth ministry in my church.  The campouts, the river floats, the roller coasters, the joyful – well maybe not so joyful – metabolic sounds and snorting/snoring that came from the tents of exhausted children dreaming of the coming day and the life it would bring. 

But then again…
The children slept, “…dreaming of the day and the life it would bring.”  For 20 children in a small, quiet Eastern town earlier this week, the day did, not bring life.  As their parents got them routinely ready for the day – breakfast in their tummies, books and materials gathered for classes – rush, rush, “Come on honey, let’s go we don’t want to be late for school!”  No, it would be for them…the “…last supper…” – a betrayal beyond their or anyone’s comprehension.  For 20 children and six charged with their care, the day would not bring life…

It is easy – well maybe not so easy – to say this happens all over the world everyday in some fashion or another.  It is easy to say, the ravages of the children lost in war, exceed the events of these days.  It is easy to say…

But, you see, when it is yours…when it is yours, no matter how or why or when or who…when it is yours, the rest is background noise to the sorrow and wrenching agony that twists the soul like a bayonet to the gut…

The music…
Each life is like a string in the living and exquisite instrument of the universe.  When plucked, it causes resonance with others within its harmonic range, and they in turn vibrate.  The chords struck bring a unique freshness to life that often defies one’s ability to express – they can be, as the scripture says, “…too wonderful for words…” When distinct notes are played in contextual rhythms and chords…indescribable varieties emerge.  Little draws our soul as the sound of the music and rhythm of life.


The silence…
When a string breaks or is cut, one never knows what symphony has been missed…what thrilling opus…what song unsung. 

This day we mourn not just the instruments un-played, but the parents charged with the care and cultivation of those young minds and for the teachers and staff whose lives were cut short attempting to protect those children.  We mourn those who knew and loved them…we mourn ourselves, for we too have lost the possibilities of resonance with a yet unknown mind.

This day we are yet once again reminded there are NO guarantees for the breath we breathe…the life we have been given. 

The charge…
Tell those you love that you do…take a moment to hold them in your arms, young or old…remember how connected we all are and more than ever, how much we need one another, not today – every day!

This night I will sleep and dream of the coming day and the life it will bring… 



- ted