The lights are on, but...

 “But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
As they turn your dream to shame.”

Fantine – Les Miserables

The Musical

There is a quietness when nobody is home.  The rooms once filled with activity, laughter and love – now curiously still.  We are gifted, or maybe cursed, with a sense of sameness, a feeling of constancy in an ever-changing world.  It helps us cope, providing a kind of internal security.  In fact nothing is the ever same…everything changes.  It is easy to be fooled until you enter the house when nobody is home.

Riley met me at the door as always, with the wild enthusiasm of a puppy.  Her ten years seemed to have done nothing to dampen her excitement.  She looked quickly past me as if to say, “Where’s Nance?  Did you bring her? Is she still in the car?  Is she getting the luggage?” 

Nancy has not been home now for the better part of a month; she won’t be coming home again.  I had an overwhelming desire for Riley to understand her closest companion would not return.  You often hear stories of animals so loving of their masters, they pine the rest of their live at the loss.  Riley gave me her best effort, but we both knew I was a poor substitute for that gentle soul with whom she had lived her entire life.

While Riley had always had a special place in my sister’s heart, the last few years as she began her unrelenting slip into darkness, Riley was her best friend. Before any of us knew the thunderclouds were gathering, Riley was there for comfort with all her small heart could give.  Before we understood the disease was robbing my sister of her life by inches…Riley knew.  They ate together, watched television together, slept together, spending every day in each other’s company.  When we struggled for patience in Nancy’s circular, repetitive world, Riley did not!  In the most patient of ways, she would sit, with the rapt attention of a long lost friend, enthralled by my sister’s disconnected monologues.

In the last few years, with minor exception, the two of them were always together.  Getting Nancy to leave the house for dinner or a movie, without taking Riley, required all the diplomatic skill one could muster.  Riley – the only constant in my sister’s withering world...and now she is gone.

How does one know what is right and wrong in these situations?  For a second time this devastating disease has taken a loved one.  Irony hangs in the air like a dense fog, as I recall how the girls and I labored over these decisions with mother.  While all of us struggled, it was Nancy who carried the brunt, in the day to day management of Mum – before an assisted living ‘solution’ loomed large in her future.  It is said, “…if you want to know what’s up ahead, ask someone on their way back…”  The problem, of course, the ‘…what’s up ahead…’ is different for each person, each time.  In some ways, there is no ‘...on their way back...’  My sister is NOT my mother and this dance, while forecasting a similar endgame, is very different this time.  Agonizing decisions…when they should be made, and with what right – the only similarity.  Under the angst of the day-to-day decision making process, these are the broad-brush strokes that haunt the soul.  From the moral perspective, when one sees the decline of thought and function – the intimate knowing and loving perspective, and before God…when is it right to take the reins? 

The flight from the West was without incident as it has been every six weeks or so over the past couple of years.  The tornado warnings so frequent in this part of the world, lifted just long enough to make a safe landing into St. Louis.  The drive to Jefferson City was without incident, and I arrived as so often before.

My dear sister, of course, was not there.  She is now under the care of an assisted living facility and I will see her today for the first time since being with her in her home, a scant few weeks ago. 

There is a quietness when nobody is home…nothing is the ever same…everything changes.  It is easy to be fooled until you enter the house when nobody is home.

 

- ted

If it can, it will...

“But, Mousie, thou art no thy lane,
In proving foresight may be vain;
The best-laid schemes o' mice an 'men
Gang aft agley [oft times go awry]

An’lea’e us not but grief an’ pain…”

- Burns R

To a Mouse, On Turning

Up In Her Nest With the Plough

There were 60 people at the lecture in the Baja Room that Thursday afternoon. 

It is a challenge coming to a group with a talk prepared, only to find it is not what you expected – so it was on that unusually chilly February afternoon in San Diego.  I had understood this would be an audience of mental health care providers, looking for insight into motivating their mentally challenged clients to a more physically active lifestyle.

It turned out that this was NOT an audience of mental health professionals, but an audience consisting mostly of their clients – not the greatest news for a fellow who compulsively prepares; whose slide presentation had some entertaining, but moderately formal things to say.

Now that’s funny…

Putting this conference in context, the speaker before me presented something called laughing yoga…a curious activity consisting of ‘range of motion’ exercises performed to hand clapping, hand raising and a lot of laughing.

For example, the leader clapped his hands saying, “ho, ho, ho” followed by a “ha, ha, ha.”  The audience mimicked – responding in kind.  Arms were then raised overhead to boisterous “…ha, ha, has…ho, ho, hos…hee, hee, hees.”  The obedient group enjoyed every minute, AND at the same time performed some meaningful stretches – the point of it all! 

After a few minutes, the manufactured laughter became so infectious, I found myself joining in.

This was simultaneously a stress reliever and stress inducer:

·      Reliever, because I was prepared for a completely different audience and the laughter burned some of the anxiousness away.

·      Inducer, because I was prepared for a completely different audience and was the next speaker with nothing particularly entertaining to say.

In addition, I was in my work costume – you know, the shirt, the tie, the sport jacket.  It was uncomfortably clear, however, this was not a shirt and tie audience – rather a collection of folk whose needs were not strategies, nor tactics, nor fulfillment of an intentional plan – they were people who, in varying degrees, were simply trying to get through the day…maybe just the next speaker.

Showtime

Laughing yoga done, introductions made…I hooked up laptop to projector, took a deep breath, smiled and brought up the first slide, wondering for the life of me how I was going to make anything work for this expectant group of people.

At that juncture, a most curious thing happened…the projector bulb blew – there would be no slides.  Murphy’s law (if it can go wrong, it will) came quickly to mind.  This was going to be interesting!

Let’s take a breath and a moment to review:

·      Wrong audience

·      Wrong material

·      Wrong clothing

·      Slide projector breakdown

There was a message in here somewhere…

I have spoken in hundreds of places over the years – some as cannon fodder for my resumé, and others for local and regional groups.  Most of this, in the last three decades,  focused on evidence based management of chronic back and neck pain.  The presentation for this day was a little away from that, and had been put together as a favor for a friend who worked in mental health.

In the Baja Room, in front of this crowd, on that afternoon, none of it meant a thing…I was totally naked…no electronic media behind which to hide…no credential that anyone cared about…nothing prepared, just 60 expectant faces and an unknown, nameless face from whom they expected to be engaged and entertained – at least as much as the laughing yoga guy!

In the first instance: Off with the jacket & tie – maybe his head!

With all the confidence of a deer in headlights, I blurted out  “How many of you folk enjoy exercising?”  To say the response was lukewarm would be overly generous. 

Buying time - the next question was, “Why not?”  A disheveled woman in her ‘mid-to-later years’  responded quite loudly, “It isn’t any fun!”  This coming after she and the others had been exercising and laughing for nearly an hour.  This was going to be a tough afternoon.

For some unaccountable reason, I walked over to her; took her hand; gently pulled her from her seat; slipped my arm around her waist and danced a few steps.  We stopped and the question came, “Was that fun?” She gave an enthusiastic, possibly overly warm, and fairly vocal “YES!”  From that moment, out of some unconscious 40-year reservoir came 50 minutes of something, in some ways, quite magical.  

It takes two…

If you have done much public speaking, you know it's about the audience.  If they engage, the experience is timeless, if not, minutes can be an eternity.

This event required an intimate human connection; a listening to the collective beating hearts of the audience; a trust that the years of experience would bring something to fit the need.  This event required the souls sitting in this group to reach out, in some communal way, to reassure my heart for next step.  As it turned out, in this protected cocoon of time, “we” found a connection and rather than a 'monologue,' we had a 'conversation.'

Something inside had taken over in one of the more interesting, enjoyable and unique experiences that have happened in my professional career. The rest of our time together was filled with a flow of aerobic, strengthening and stretching exercises that made our time together fly by!  We played, we exercised, we laughed, and yes, we loved one other.  It was an intimate exchange that engulfed us, in what might best be described as "A Happening!" Isn’t this the way respect and love is supposed to work?  That unguarded moment that brings the unexpected!

This experience was a reminder how fortunate we are…those of us who have the strength and support in live our lives for some normalcy.  I wondered, as so often before – what separates us from those who find themselves unable to withstand the pressures of a life that is so often chaotic and unpredictable.  It seems the ONLY thing separating many of us, from those souls who find themselves in life care situations, is the strength we have to keep from acting on every thought and impulse that goes through our minds…almost as if our ‘gatekeeper thoughts’ protect and permit us to function in consistent and socially acceptable ways.

   

Over the years I have been blessed with many satisfying professional experiences.  Few, however, have matched this event, in the Baja Room, in San Diego on that chilly February afternoon.

I was reminded once again - giving is better than getting because in the giving one also gets – and that, in turn, provides a double reward!

- ted

It's All About the Rhythm...(2)

The beat goes on, the beat goes on
Drums keep pounding a rhythm to the brain

- Sonny and Cher

Last week, we discussed a rhythm for life that is consistently seen at practically every level, from the cellular level on up.  All of it geared toward individual work contributing to a larger and more complex operation. 

The Apostle Paul used this as a metaphor for the growth of the spiritual body of the church.  As previously discussed, the contribution of cells and organs to the successful function of our physical bodies is the foundation of the building process:  “…the body is not one member but many…” Paul understood it would take a group of differently gifted people working together in common cause for successful growth of the body of the church. 

Socrates said a similar thing regarding the development of his imagined State:

“…Our first and greatest need is clearly the provision of food to keep us alive…Our second is shelter, and our third clothing of various kinds…how will our state supply these needs?  It will need a farmer, a builder and a weaver, and also, I think, a shoemaker and one or two others…So that the minimum state would consist of four or five men…” – Plato, The Republic

Different functions…different skill sets…different people, each coming together for a larger work  necessitating, and transcending the individual contribution.  Add to this, the natural curiosity for things yet unknown, and there emerges insight in our drive for the infinite.  The spiritual growth of the church and Republic respectively, required movement forward in a never-ending series of steps advancing to the next part of the mystery.  All of this points to a continual expansion of awareness without end - an idea we frankly cannot grasp as human creatures.  We are, however, provided powerful inferences to the process, at every turn of life...suggesting a ‘no end’ purpose for life – a resolute dynamic with ever-growing possibilities.

It is good to think about the lessons we see in nature, suggesting a guiding intelligence or power that has created definable systems and natural laws necessary for life…while at the same time providing lessons for mental or spiritual growth.  It is part of the curiosity of our nature.  Not everyone, however, shares this perspective.

A different point of view

There is a considerable body of thought suggesting life has no meaning.  That it is little more than “…a lightning flash in the darkness of cosmic eternity…” This view is echoed, for example, from the words of Solomon – “…all is vanity…” – to contemporary philosophers who describe life as an empty vacuum.  When the illusion of activity is removed we are left with the stark reality of a complete void…vacant with no purpose – the apparent order and rhythm of the universe, being nothing more than the greatest deception of all.

These thinkers say life is simply an exercise in futility.  It begins with birth, ends with death and what happens in between is basically a form of self-flagellation and disappointment.  Mankind’s unrelenting curiosity and interest to ‘…learn something new…’ nothing more than the carrot in front of the donkey – a cosmic joke of theatre, occupying our time...simply a closed existence in which only the actors change…the script remaining undaunted through eternity. 

After all, the fool and the brilliant end their lives in the same way…returning to the dust from which they came.  The vast majority of people living their lives in “…quiet desperation…” with regret for the life that might have, or rather should have been.  Not realizing no matter what the journey it would be filled with regret! 

On face value, it seems hard to argue against this when confronted with the reality of abuse, death and destruction we serve on one another.  It is hard to argue for life, growth, enlightenment and transcendence, when a singularly small portion of the world’s population selfishly controls the vast majority of its wealth and half of our fellow man lives on less than two dollars a day.  It is hard to argue when armed conflict, for less than meaningful reason, wantonly kills millions of innocents.  It is hard to argue when the defenseless – women and children – suffer unjustifiable and unspeakable violence and death on a daily basis all over the world – AND, it is hard to argue, knowing these realities, and sitting in a comfortable chair writing about a purpose for life. 

Sorting a little

Selfishness and selflessness are keys to understanding life’s rhythm.  One must be absolutely selfish in order to survive…selfishly guarding time and space to acquire knowledge or skill.  Scholarship is only truly shaped in private and able skill only accomplished by practice, practice and more practice.  Selfishness begins the process in survival and thought.  Awareness of using a selfishly acquired skill for a greater purpose, however, creates the critical transition to selflessness.  If transcendence occurs in life at all, it begins at the tipping point from 'the selfish' to 'the selfless.'

Viewing the world through the lens of vacancy misses the point, or at best acts only as an observer rather than a participant.  The point?  There is a difference between ‘what is’ and ‘what should or could be.’  If we were wired for the ‘what is’ rather than the ‘what should or could be,’ these writers and events of the world would be correct – there would be no hope.  BUT IN FACT, WE ARE NOT WIRED THIS WAY!

Not surprisingly we have an inborn sense of what ‘should be.’  We do not, for example, need to be taught the destructive nature of theft, dishonesty or betrayal…we need only sense the anger and frustration when it happens to us.  We may not have a social conscience or teaching regarding the treatment of others, but even the thief dislikes being stolen from…awareness leads to the tipping point!

Additionally, we unconsciously recognize we are stronger as a collective body than as individuals – our success experiences reinforce this principle every day.  To be sure, there are exceptions, but this is the rule.

The natural order whether cells, organs, bodies, or species survival - gathering together for strength of life, commerce or spiritual growth - teach the same lesson..."...two sticks are stronger than one, and two bodies create more heat than one..."

In the end, one can take the view, life has no meaning because of all the death and destruction. In doing so, one misses great teachings of the natural law.

Ask yourself, what gives your life more quality – a sense of hopelessness, or a sense of hope?...the experience of isolation, or the experience of collective interaction?

We all have questions about purpose and meaning…it is my sense purpose is not a destination, but rather a never-ending process.  I choose, based on the patterns I see, to accept the premise  life is a refining process in the next step toward what is yet unknown. 

From the lenses of my glasses, in spite of the all uncertainties, it doesn’t get much better than that.

Next time we’ll lighten up a little…

 

- ted

It’s all about the rhythm…

He who controls others may be powerful,

but he who has mastered himself is mightier still.

-        Lao Tsu, Tao te Ching

-         

It starts with a need, maybe a reason…in the very least there is a compulsion based on a fundamental drive to survive – the first breath of birth…hunger for food…shelter from the storm…clothing for warmth. At this stage things are pretty simple.  First things first – the initial round of survival going to the strong!

Once the basics are secure (and this may take a while), our attention shifts to a more qualitative view:

·      Is the air we breathe clean?

·      Does the food we eat fit our taste?

·      Is our dwelling as comfortable as we like?

·      Does our clothing reflect our character?

Yes, once the basics are secure, our attention shifts to a more qualitative view…whew! Got those needs accounted for – so what’s the purpose?  Now, that’s a pretty big question.

Life has a rhythm to it - a series of births and deaths, beginning with our abrupt entrance into the world.  We are born, bringing the immediate death of our experience in the womb.  Each inspiration of breath brings birth to a new moment – expiration announcing its death…transitioning to the rhythm of the next.  In the movement forward in time, we unconsciously reach for the next moment of life that awaits us.  It is an unrelenting pattern that repeats itself millions of time in the course of our lives.  Indeed, the rhythm of the universe, at the micro and macro levels, drives us unrelentingly toward life.

Do we have any control?

We think we are free moral agents, and from the standpoint of mental will we are.

In a physical sense, however, most of what we experience, happens because the machinery carrying us around (our bodies), runs on automatic pilot.  This unconscious function frees us to focus on other things. Our thoughts shape our lives and provide us with some control in the journey for which we have been called.  It is really important to know this – many people do not.  Recognizing choice, with its benefit/consequence ratio, is key to overcoming the gravity of monotonous sameness, and breaking free from the bonds of repeating, yet once again, the sins of the past – the dead as it were.

[Semi-colon here – Personal gripe – ‘…sins of the past…’ – in common language, and indeed the language of the church, ‘sin’ is a small but powerful word…much more so than it should be.  In biblical terms it meant to “…miss the mark…” – implication…action taken unsuccessfully.  In spite of the social stigma, and subsequent usage that has led to strongly negative connotation and definitions, this word was not intended to be a stain of self-loathing, nor permanent blemish predicting future failure.  In the target practice of life we all miss.  The task at hand? Recalibrate and shoot again…again…yet once again. NOBODY HITS THE MARK THE FIRST FEW TIMES!]

The body – what a metaphor!

The physiology of the body is a great teacher. Its whole operation is wonderfully rhythmic – the ‘whole’ only works, however, when each ‘part’ does what it is supposed to do; does it well and repeats its function over and over again.

Each cell for example, is a kind of miniature body.  It has organs (organelles); it breathes, digests, eliminates waste, fights for its survival (with a little help from its friends), reproduces and has a specific purpose. 

Take the heart with its millions and millions of cells.  Each has the job of contracting (shortening).  One cell by itself has little influence, but take all of them working in concert, receiving direction from a single point in the small chamber of the right atrium, and it creates a life giving rhythmic symphony that puts the best works of the greatest composers to shame – the heart beats!

Like the individual cell the heart has a specific purpose.  Its chambers receive incoming blood, sending it on its way with each subsequent beat.  Beating on its own the heart has little use unless connected to the circulatory system.  Even that doesn’t mean much lacking coordination with other organs, through central commands from the amazingly complex, and still not well understood, brain – the body works! 

Is there a lesson here?

Many observers of life find strong connections between the physical world and the spiritual, meaning here the mental world in which we live.  Lessons from world in which we live, teach us much about the natural law of the universe.  While we have never seen gravity, we clearly understand its existence, and have found ways to both quantify and measure its effect. We’re not so good in measuring things on the spiritual side, but there is little doubt they exist and powerfully.  Love is a great example.  It is a powerful and undeniable emotion.  The fact we have not found a metric for it is more a commentary on our shortcomings, than its existence.

The physical body, also, is not very useful unless it finds a way to work in concert with other bodies.  This is where thought enters the equation.  In order for a body to have a meaningful interaction with the universe, for which it has been created, it must have a mind that is aware and able to communicate with other minds.

Many writers have discussed life as a metaphor.  One of my favorites is the Apostle Paul:

“…the body is not one member, but many. If the foot shall say, Because I am not the hand, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body? And if the ear shall say, Because I am not the eye, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body? If the whole body were an eye, where were the hearing? If the whole were hearing, where were the smelling? ...And if they were all one member, where were the body? But now are they many members, yet but one body. (I Corinthians 12 14-21 – the Bible).

This leads to the discussion of how we, as mankind, find ourselves intertwined as individuals and as part of the human collective.  It is clear this discussion will take a little more time...more to come…

- ted