Not what, but how much...

If one oversteps the bounds of moderation,

the greatest pleasures cease to please.

- Epictetus, Stoic philosopher

Caught sleeping in the baby bear’s bed, Goldilocks in Joseph Cundell’s rendition of Robert Southby’s Goldilocks and the Three Bears, confesses she tasted the porridge that was too hot, too cold and consumed the porridge that was “…just right…”

It’s all about moderation isn’t it?  In the context of the ‘porridge’ I eat, I had to learn that every calorie in sight was not fair game for healthy consumption…volume requires deliberate cultivation.

It started like this…

I slipped on my trousers, zipped them up and had a little trouble hooking the clasp.  I was alone in the closet, so I did what most fellows do…sucked in my breath, connected the ‘hook and eye,’ cinched up my belt, let out my breath and pretended all was well with my waistline!  It was the mid-nineties and it looked like it was time to consider another ‘wardrobe adjustment.’

 “I guess this is what happens when you get older,” I thought, “Getting a little bigger is just part of it.”  

I was healthy, exercising regularly, sleeping well and eating the appropriate foods.  It was just the engines were incrementally slowing down at the “…speed of dark…”  You know, changes so slight they were only noticeable when my TROUSERS SUDDENLY SEEMED TOO SMALL!! 

I really didn’t have any experience in aging.  I mean, who does?  Each day was/is brand new in this process…it’s not like you can practice being older!

This was not the first time.  A couple of years earlier I had gone from a size 36 (.91m) waist to a 38 (.96m).  My pride wanted, 37s (93m), but I could not find any…so 38 became the comfortably loose choice.

Now I was staring size 40 (1m) in the face...uh, the waist.  I knew it had been coming, but like most men whose ‘memory’ of size and weight – never mind the ‘reality’ – was anchored somewhere in my mid-twenties. 

In those days, I noticed with some curiosity, that a lot of older fellows wore 34-inch (.86m) trousers around their hips with what appeared to be 45-inch (1.1m) tummies overhanging their belts.  In those days, I wondered why they just didn’t buy 45-inch trousers and get a bigger belt.  In those days…WAIT A MINUTE!  It was now “…those days…” for me!  I found I was heading down the slippery slope… the fantasy relationship between memory and the reality of waste….I mean, waist management!

As I pondered this growing dilemma, I was reminded of Peter Finch playing Howard Beale, a news anchor in the 1976 film Network, resigning on air saying, “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it any more!” 

Maybe my expanding waistline was NOT just a matter of aging…maybe I could do something about this.  I wasn’t exactly clear about the next step, but I made the decision, that under no circumstance was I going to move to a size forty trouser!!

Sometimes you need a recipe.

A friend in Minneapolis, confronting the same issue, listened to me whine about the ‘adipose tissue creep.’  He suggested I try a carbohydrate sparing diet; he had been on, leading to a fair amount of weight loss. 

“Hmmm,” I thought, “I wonder if that would work for me.” 

It was either that or move to those 40s with a guaranteed future of ‘tummy hang!!’  So I bought the book and on a flight from someplace to somewhere and read it.

It was a diet that became a lifestyle over the next two to three years.  It began by eating virtually no carbohydrate for 30 days, permitting my body to shed its extra stored sugar, giving me a clean metabolic slate. 

Over the months, the regimen permitted a reintroduction of healthy, low calorie sugars in the form of salads, green vegetables and berries (red and blue) with occasional small amounts of other fruit such as apples or pears. Starches like rice, potatoes and pasta, however, were out…with a capital ‘O’ and a capital ‘T!’ 

It was a small price to pay as I shed 25 pounds of real weight over the first year or so.  In fact, I found my way back down to those coveted 36” leg huggers!  To show resolve that there would be NO turning back, I got rid of my entire wardrobe of 38” trousers. 

For 10 or 15 years, I pretty much kept the weight off following this formula.  Well, there were a few ups and downs in between, BUT those ‘38s’ became nothing more than a wisp of memory tucked away in the neurochemistry of my brain…and 40s?  Are you kidding me??

This led to a much healthier way of eating…less ‘structure’ but deliberate moderation.  I came to understand those older engines simply did not need so much fuel. 

Releasing the responsibility…

In spite of the fact that I am a health care professional, Molly has had the biggest influence on the eating health of our two-person nuclear family.

Over time, she led us to a modified Mediterranean, gluten free life style.  It is a, “…not carved in stone and flexible…” approach to eating that has served us both well in weight management and good health.  As long as we’re careful, pretty much everything is ‘on the table’…even those carb heavy starches like the rice, pasta and potatoes I had been avoiding.

I remember the first baked potato after many years of self denial…the first meal with wild rice…the first bowl of spaghetti, all of which are now ‘on limits’ with our eating lifestyle.  It turns out; I have not ballooned in either weight or waist.  Like Goldilocks, it has become clear it is not really what, but the way I eat it.

Maybe one of these days, those 36s will seem a little looser! One can only hope...

- ted

Old dogs...

“If you believe old dogs cannot learn

new tricks…‘YOU’ never will.”

– Anonymous

Heather begins by saying, “Let’s start with a gentle warm up.  What is the most important thing to know in what we are about to do?”

By now the twenty or so folk gathered in the conference room know the answer, and with smiles all around say together, “Breathe!”  And with that, the practice begins.

Strange, I never thought I would find myself doing this…

Another time, in another land…

They moved slowly in smooth rhythmic fashion, wearing loose and baggy garments; the men in plain colors; the women a little more brightly dressed, their gazes unfocused and distant.  There were 30 or more of them, and from across the open area, they looked as though they were connected to one another by an invisible wire, tugged in unison by an unseen puppeteer…exotic to say the least.

It was Guangzhou, China, early morning as daylight peeked over the eastern horizon as if to see whether anything had changed since it had turned off the lights and tucked into the western edges of the skyline at the end of the previous day…not much had.

The park was full of older early morning exercisers, doing a variety of activities.  On low hanging branches, a small number of men were suspended, stretching out their shoulder joints.  Other folk walked slowly backward, occasionally peeking over their shoulders to ensure they were on the right track.  There were one or two using a stick to push small hoops as they walked. In a small area, there was a large bumpy concrete pad upon which some folk were walking barefoot, apparently to toughen up their feet. Then there was that group of elderly men and women doing early morning Tai Chi.

As I jogged along the riverfront by the open park in a pair of shorts, tee shirt and tennis shoes, there is little doubt I was, if not quite so exotic, completely out of place.  The occasional person tapped their neighbor, pointing my way as if they had seen a large, pale skinned alien from outer space.  I heard, “Gwai Lo,” (pronounced Qu-eye low) a word meaning ‘foreigner,’ drift through the air a time or two.

I was impressed so many people seemed to make this part of their morning routine.  On subsequent mornings when exercising in other parts of the country I saw this again and again.  Nobody was dressed in spandex or the latest gym attire.  I didn’t see fashionable shoes or slick looking headbands.  It was just folk dressed in comfortable clothing getting ready for the day.

Education, a barrier to entry…

My professional career has been in the area of counseling, testing, treating and designing exercise programs for clinical populations.  Over the years, these have included: spinal cord injured, cardiac, pulmonary, arthritic, and for the last two and a half decades, people with chronic back and neck pain.  There are a lot of things that can be done to help improve functional activity levels when people find themselves trapped in the cobweb of chronic disease, but for me Tai Chi was certainly NOT one of them.

Watching these folk practicing Tai Chi in China was interesting and fun, but in my world it wasn’t really exercise, as I had been trained…it was just a curiosity.

It goes like this…

When I was a graduate student, I knew everything and was certain if the people listened to me, their health and lives would be much improved.  With the zeal of a young Pentecostal evangelist armed with scripture, and little life experience, my ignorant confidence was as solid as the rock of Gibraltar.  

I didn’t know, in those years, I had contracted a toxic and potentially lethal disease.  It is a virus one picks up in graduate school, and if one manages to stay out of the real world, it can develop into full-blown CAA – Chronic Academic Arrogance.  This is an illness that emerges in many professions – sometimes referred to as the ‘plague of the self-right,’ but institutions of higher learning, in particular, provide a petri dish in which this infection thrives.  Complicating matters, the victim almost never knows they are a carrier, and as a result actually believe they are well!

It turns out this horrible disease is really hard to eradicate.  Remission does happen, and when it does, the carrier’s quality of life is much better, but there is always the danger of a relapse that can, as one ages, make their lives miserable. 

A few things are helpful in fighting the illness…life experience and failure.  There is one other thing, and that is aging!  I suppose aging encompasses the previous two, but sometimes the disorder is so profound, one does not learn either from experience or failure!!

Life is change…

The thing about getting older is that stuff just doesn’t work as well as it did in years gone by.  I have found, as everyone who has preceded me in the unavoidable reduction of life force, I can’t run as fast…jump as high…remember specific things as easily…hear and see quite so clearly.  That is not to say, I’m ready to cash in the chips, it is simply to say, like those old nickel cadmium batteries, my energy levels never seem to fully recharge!

This unavoidable phenomenon, brings with it a whole series of questions that were not on the table in the earlier years, and as I have found myself ‘climbing the rope’ in certain aspects of my life, things I recommended for people when I was NOT ‘on the rope,’ do not work as well as I had once imagined.  I have come to appreciate that if I had to take all of the advice I have given in my life, things might not have worked out so well for me.

Things that are important now have everything to do with creating and/or maintaining the best quality of life I can – this encompasses care in the areas of food, sleep, activities that help to calm my mind and regular exercise.

This brings me back to Heather…Heather, my Tai Chi teacher.  What I once thought was just an ‘Eastern curiosity,’ and/or something done by people who lived in California, has had a real and meaningful impact on my life.

The evidence…

One of the things I have noticed in recent years is a small incremental change in balance.  I knew that lifting weights and/or doing Tai Chi had been demonstrated in research to be helpful.  When I first noticed the balance issue, I adjusted my lower extremity strengthening routine and it helped.  It seemed, however, that I got all the benefit from strengthening that I could, so I decided to try Tai Chi…something I would NEVER have done earlier in my life.

I have been amazed at the results in a short period of time.  A small example, and this may be too much information... 

Putting on trousers while standing has recently required a bit of hopping around to keep balanced while slipping each leg in.  After only a month and a half of weekly meetings and a little ‘practice’ at home, the ease with which I put them on is just short of amazing.  I would never have predicted such a rapid result.

Getting older has its challenges, but it also has its benefits.  Some of the barriers to learning, created by ‘CAA,’ of necessity slip away, melting into the reality of changing interests and needs, and that is a good thing.   Embracing the changes has enhanced my quality of life.

So, “What is the most important thing to know in what we are about to do?”

(say this with a smile)  

"Breathe…."

- ted

Writing - right?

“If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?”

- Jerry Seinfeld, the humorist

One of the walls is covered with a mural depicting the Western Slopes of the Catalina Mountains.  The adjacent wall is glass, exposing a great view of those same mountains, giving the room an open and inviting feeling.  The folks are assembling and small talking amongst themselves as they find seats around long tables set into a square, taking up most of the room.

A somewhat raspy, yet commanding voice oozing with an authoritative tone calls everyone to order.  “Okay, let’s get going!  We have a lot of people here today, and be sure to use the microphone, because as you know I am deaf and can’t hear you!”

She asks if anyone is new, and if a hand goes in the air, she says, “What’s your name?  I don’t want to know about your life, your dog, any illnesses you have or what your hobbies are.  I just want to know what you are working on!” 

Alexis Powers is aptly named, because this 5 foot tall sixtyish woman is a powerhouse, with the presence of a field grade military officer instructing his or her junior troops.  Having published 10 books, taught creative writing and worked in the legal field and real estate for decades, this woman is strong…in charge…seems to speak from a stream of consciousness…is highly opinionated, and has the feel of a lioness prepared to defend and protect her cubs.

She leads the writer’s workshop I have joined at the public library in the town where I live.  The second and fourth Thursdays from 10AM until noon, a group of aspiring writers, and other folk, already published, show up to read a few paragraphs of their current projects.

This isn’t a place where one learns hints about how to write, but rather a support group where people read a little of what they are working on, and find a kinship with others who spend time in this most lonely of tasks – writing.  It’s a place where ‘those that have gone before’ also share hints to those of us still looking to get out of the starting blocks!

Why this workshop…

I truly enjoy writing this blog.  Sometimes things come to my mind so quickly that I cannot seem to get them down fast enough.  Sometimes I start something and it takes a completely different direction.  Sometimes there is the seed of an idea that I find interesting and just tinker around.

Other times, and this would be the case more often than not, writing weekly is just hard work…good work…meaningful and fulfilling work…to be honest edifying work…BUT hard work nonetheless.

My old friend, and frequent companion Marcus Aurelius says that while many feel they have to travel to see new things and have new experiences in order to really be fulfilled and have something to share with others, if they just took a little time to explore themselves, they would find the greatest and most exotic of places to roam is in the reaches of their own minds. 

I get that, but I am uncertain he was talking about the blank sheet of electronic paper that stares mockingly back at me from the computer, as if to say, “Sure go ahead. I dare you to write one meaningful thought on this screen!!  Your head is as empty as my virtual page.  You’ve got nothing, do you hear me NOTHING!!!

I would like to write something a little more.  Maybe put together a small book of some of these weekly wanderings…maybe find a short story or two that could go into a small publication…maybe the next “great American Novel,” uh, maybe not, but something!

So, I’m taking this workshop to see if maybe there is another voice I can explore, that might take me on a journey to a different place.  I’ve tried this a couple of times.  My friend Bob from Texas and I began writing two different novels.  We took turns doing chapters, building the stories.  It was kind of fun, because we didn’t talk about the plot, we just read the other guy’s chapter and wrote when it was our turn.  We didn’t finish either one, but a great experience nonetheless, because until we heard from each other, we had NO IDEA what we were going to write next.

I digress…back to class…

Alexis is partly mentor, cheerleader, and ‘kick in the pants’ motivator for this group.  She tells everyone she is famous and has done a lot of amazing things, but says, “This workshop is the best thing I have done in my life.  I LOVE IT!!”

Advice from General Alexis:

“Write every day for at least 30 minutes or you will lose your characters…”

“Make a character list.  The worst thing you can do is give your main character blue eyes in chapter two and brown in chapter 44!”

“Nobody in this workshop is a good enough writer to criticize someone else.  That’s my job!”

“I am here to encourage you to write!”

“Hey, there’s no cross-talking in here.”

“You’ve got three minutes to read.  I’ll stop you if you go too long.”

“Okay, okay, that’s enough, we got the idea.  I like what you have written, but we have others who need to read today.”

“There is nothing greater in the world than holding a book you have written, in your own hands!”

The most coveted thing she says however is this:

“Oooh, I like that.  See me after class.  Next!”

Not smart, but obedient…

So with as much dedication as I can muster, I have been showing up now for three months or so.  Initially I just listened, but found quickly Alexis would have none of that.  “You mean you don’t have anything to read today?”  “Are you writing everyday?”

By now, I’ve read some of these blogs to the group, and found that while it is sometimes hard to write, it is almost harder to read what you have written in public!  Having said that, it is easier to both write and read than to have Alexis give you ‘the eye’ for not having something ready to go.

“That’s why we’re here,” she says.  “Everybody comes to this workshop, not just because they are writing, but because they are going to publish.” Emphasis on “GOING…” her foregone enthusiastic conclusion!

I started going to this workshop to learn from others, and surely I have, yet as with so many other things in life, it has had unintended consequences.  Alexis, this woman who seemed somewhat distant and commanding in the beginning said a month or so ago, after I read about a little girl I met on a subway in Berlin, 

“Oooh, I like that, see me after class.” 

I was so excited, I didn’t even hear her say, “Next!”

- ted