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“Nothing would be more tiresome than eating

and drinking if God had not made them

a pleasure as well as a necessity…”

- Voltaire

I have a young friend finding herself at a decision-making place in her life.  Actually, I suppose, I don’t know anybody who isn’t.  Isn’t everything about making decisions, really?  I suppose it’s just a matter of magnitude.

At any rate, it’s a professional choice.  There are a number of options in front of her and she is not completely clear what she should do.  It isn’t a decision between right and wrong – that would be a much longer topic for another time!  While the decision is important, it’s more like looking at the menu and trying to decide between the Lamb and the Beef.

What to do…

We spend a lot of our lives trying to figure out what it is we are supposed to do with the ‘big picture’ self.  I suspect for a lot of us, we actually never find out.  We just sort of show up, and with the most modest of forethought, do whatever appears in front of us.  I mean, how do we really know?

I should say in the first instance that I believe in God, AND I believe that He has a plan for each of us…somewhat to do as a part of something bigger.  The apostle Paul would say each of us has a gift - likened to a body part - and each gift working together makes the ‘entire body’ (mankind) function as it was intended.  In other words find that calling and work our lives in it.  Finding that calling is the result of a lot of little decisions we make.

Thinking God has a specific plan for us, however, could be seen as hubris with a capital ‘H’…maybe even a capital ‘S!’  It does seem a little arrogant to believe the Creator of the universe…the Author of intelligent design…the Originator of the ‘tertium quid’ (sometimes described as: beyond chance and necessity…you know the spiritual side of things), would take the time to consider us as individuals?  I know, for many of us, it is simply a matter of faith…a matter of acceptance.  BUT is it that simple?  Don’t we have some part in it?  We are ‘free moral agents’ aren’t we?  There is consequence to choice isn’t there?  I mean, don't we at least need to look at the menu?

“Faith without works is dead…”

Believing God has a plan for us, and actually finding out what that plan is, are probably two completely different things.  “Finding our place…” is not just a matter of faith, it is a matter of choice...and choice is a matter of action.  After all the scripture does say, “Ask and you shall receive, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened for you…” Ask, seek and knock are all action verbs…we need to do something!

Do something…ah yes, find something to do…when all else fails, do something!  There is a reason these action verbs are part of the center-piece of our faith, for without asking, seeking, knocking, nothing happens.  When nothing happens things remain the same.  When everything remains the same…well, you know, they stop growing.  When things stop growing they lose relevance.  When things lose relevance, they die…

I’m not clear whether my young friend will choose the “…Lamb” or “…Beef,” but I know she will make a choice.  That choice will lead to others and as long as she continues to ask the questions, seek for the answers, and knock on the doors of the unknown, she will continue to grow. 

Pardonnez-moi, que aimez-vous pour le dîner ? – Pardon me, what would you like for dinner?

- ted

A good morning...

"If a man in the morning hear the right way, 

he may die in the evening without regret."

- Confucius: The Analects

Some nights are better than others.  This one was particularly nice.  The windows open, the air cool, Leah (the cat) in her customary way had just hopped up on the bed to begin her ritual of waking us up.  Hopped up is a bit of an exaggeration because as she has gotten older, she has developed a little arthritis in her lower spine and right hip. 

Let me rephrase…”Leah in her customary way had just struggled a little to get to the bed…” This night had been both wonderfully restful, and as she turned on her purring engine, extremely refreshing.  Last night…ah yes, last night was only the 8^th night I had spent in my own bed in a month, and the third in three weeks…it was good!

In the past five years, I have come to enjoy living in Southern California.  The weather is consistent on a daily basis – a fair amount of sunshine and a lot of things to do.  Yes indeed, l have come to enjoy living in Southern California.

There are a few things missing here…a few things pleasantly missing and others, truly missing.  For example: humidity… Humidity is one of those missing items that makes life a little more agreeable.  Blizzards…yes, it is nice to not have strategies for shoveling snow.  Flooding…not much heavy water action here.

There are also things relatively new here.  For example, we seem to have a little more company – that would be visiting company.  While I haven’t actually ‘run the numbers,’ I am pretty sure more people have called on us in the past 5 years than in the combined 35 years living in Missouri and Detroit.  Maybe it is true that as one matures and has more to share, people just naturally want to come to drink from the ‘fountain of life’s wisdom’ I have accumulated. On the other hand maybe it is simply to visit the zoo!

There are, however, a few things truly missing out here…things that have meaning.  The past month has reminded me of those items.  This past month is the reason I have spent only a few days in my own bed.

Since June 21, I’ve crossed the continent three times, sleeping in different beds one or two nights at a time.  I am comfortable with traveling, but this was a little more than even I am used to.  The past thirty days has been a mixture of work, reflection and family reconnection.

The work

Not much to say…I like it.

The reflection

We said a final good bye to my younger sister as we placed her ashes in the cool refreshing Canadian waters of central Ontario.  It was a reminder that while living out here is good; there are no forests of hardwood trees.  There are few fresh water lakes to remind one of how alive it feels to jump in and swim.  Missing are the broad-brush shifts of season that have marked time through millennia…mostly, there is the absence of family. 

Family reconnection

My niece visits us fairly regularly, and each time she does, the luminescence of our lives is brightened.  I have another sister, Anne, and her family living in the Washington, D.C. area who I don’t often see.  On this trip I had a couple of days with her.  She is the only remaining ‘blood’ with whom I have journeyed my entire life.

It was good.  We laughed, played a little scrabble with she and her children, struggled through some family issues as all families do, had some intimate and private time (to be coveted)…but mostly, we loved each other.  I can’t speak for how the family perceived me, but in the whirlwind of a short visit sandwiched into a couple of work projects…it was good.  In spite of the heat and humidity of that east coast city, it was refreshing and feeding and edifying.  Yeah, there are a few things missing from my life here in Southern California.

As Leah purred this morning and I gently returned to my bedroom from the adventures of my night visions, I stretched…looked into her eyes and was grateful...grateful for the refreshing night’s sleep and the familiarity of Molly and my own bed…grateful for having the health and strength to handle a month like the one just past…grateful indeed…

- ted

It's about the breath...

“It’s easy to take for granted the breath that we breathe…

we forget that it is not a right, but a gift…”

 - Author unknown

"It is never really the beginning of a thing that has the real meaning, but rather the end..."

You know the cliché; it’s not about the destination, but the journey.  While it may be true – no journey…no destination –  ‘end points’ give meaning to the journey…they do give meaning, don’t they?

“End points?”  Are there really any?  Isn’t the end of one thing, really the beginning of another?  Like breathing…the inspiration – breathe in…the expiration – breathe out… 

Life doesn’t just inspire and expire, but it respires…breath in and breath out in rhythmic cycles of a lifetime - each one of them critical in the moment.  The moment…that is the key isn’t it.  That’s what my yoga teachers have said. “Focus on the breath.  It is all in the breath.”

Breathing is so natural; we don’t often appreciate the importance of the  individual breath.

For all of the importance we place on the things we do, the things we create, the places we go…all of it…all of it hinges on the next breath.  We conquer, build, negotiate, give birth, study, learn, create new worlds, and yet it all comes down to a single heartbeat…a single breath.

Focus on the breath…

The thing is, we have no guarantee for the next breath, and taking it for granted is not a good strategy.  While it is not always the easiest thing to do, it is important to pay attention, or at the very least, respect the breath…it is the breath that provides the vehicle for further meaning in life.

Breathing is a metaphor for the people I know, the people I love, the relationships that bring meaning and rhythm to my life…the people that are easy to take for granted…like breathing…the people I simply expect to be there.  This is not a good strategy, because one never knows when relationships will no longer have, or bring life.

I’m traveling this week – another city, another experience, another opportunity – yet in the quiet of my hotel this morning, I am focusing on my breath…the importance of the relationships, the care, the assurance, the faith my loved ones bring…the importance of keeping the quality of air in my lungs…the importance of not taking for granted their presence, nor ‘their’ breath. 

Focus here is important because ‘they’ are what bring me life.

- ted

Does it really end...

"Whether the universe is atoms or Nature, let this first

be established, that I am part of the whole

which is governed by nature..."

- Marcus Aurelius: Meditations

“Will you go with me to Muskoka?”

That’s how the end started.  This end was closure to what had been a pretty rugged past few years.  This is not a sad or thoughtful piece, just a note of closure…

My younger sister Nancy, for completely unknown reasons, contracted (inherited?) Alzheimer’s disease and lost the war in February of this past year.  Her journey ended on a Sunday afternoon, and a week later we celebrated her life with a few stories and dancing to the music she loved.

A lot happens in those times of unexpected – or even expected – loss.  You don’t plan the memorial service before someone passes away…you simply start the game full blast at a time when you need to gather yourself in.  That, of course, comes later…after the dust settles…

‘…the dust settles’ – an interesting phrase, because that is precisely why and where we found ourselves on an incredibly sunny day on the shores of Lake Joseph…in the Province of Ontario…in the land of my birth – Canada.  The property, in the family for nearly 100 years, is now in the hand of someone else.  The cottages that contained so many memories for so many decades are now gone and small patches of cleared land in the forest are all that remain…and yet…and yet, nothing built or taken away had affected the shoreline one bit.  No sir, the rocks…the trees…all of it…all of it was as familiar as the back of my hand.

Here, as a gentle westerly wind came down the bay, in the shade of a very old cedar tree, we remembered once again and committed part of my sister’s…her mother’s ashes…to the lake Nancy had so dearly loved.  It ‘was’ a tender moment.

There was a little more to be done, for on this 212 acre (85.7 hectare) piece of land stands a 10-acre (4 hectare) lake we all called 'Lily Lake,' for surely it had hundreds of them on pads in the shallow waters along her shores.   On the maps, it’s call Arnott Lake – my mother’s family name – but to us…it was always Lily.

This lake is connected to Lake Joe by a small stream and had grown to its size through the work of a couple of beaver families that built and maintained a dam through ‘their generations’ long before my birth.  There are cranberry bogs…lots of frogs and other little living things that can be found in the small lakes of Central Ontario.  And the air…the air…there is something…some subtle cosmic pheromone that reaches so deeply inside…its familiarity so gently intimate, one not experienced in its ways, would simply miss its seductive draw.

Here, on this dazzlingly sunny day, we committed the rest of Nancy’s ashes to the waters of Lily’s shores.  She had been waiting for us…her water’s still and clear…the ashes drifting away, beneath her surface…away from the shore like the mists across the glen, propelled by an invisible wind…the task complete.

Mariah said when my time came, she would honor me in the same place, in the same way…I should be so blessed…

- ted

Kids…you’ve got to love them

“If children are our future, connecting with them in the present

increases our vision of the future, and

brings meaning to our past…”

- anonymous

I’ve enjoyed children pretty much all of my life.  I mean, I liked ‘em when I was one of them, maybe because I felt like I belonged…you know, a group of little people that seemed like me!  As I grew older with that group – those who were my contemporaries, I never lost my connection with the ‘little people’…

When I’m around them, it’s invigorating.  Some high-end psychotherapist might suggest a diagnosis like ‘Peter Pan Syndrome,’ or some other more serious sounding, and completely unpronounceable name…but for me?  I just like kids.

Over the years, I have learned to communicate with them.  It’s odd to say I have ‘learned’ to communicate, I mean, I was one of them…Somehow, however, while we are in the business of learning our alphabet, how to use numbers, and the way to act in a socially acceptable way, our child-speak seems to slip away.  Of course, maturing and become a self-actualized adult has value, but it does come at cost.

Here are a few things I have learned.  Before I reveal some things that work for me, let me be clear…I have not had children.  This is important, because I have missed that middle of the night colic; flues, chickenpox, bumps, scratches and myriad of other events that might cause one to be grateful the early child years are done.

Also, these techniques are not particularly valuable before children can walk or talk.  When they are babies, they don’t discriminate much and seem to react to simple cooing, gently single syllable words, loving, non-threatening smiles, and for reason unknown to me a higher pitched voice.  Even the biggest of manly men, somehow seem to automatically raise the pitch, and soften the edge, of their voices.

(Parenthetical note: this piece may be directed more toward men, because women...well, women seem to be inherently wired for this sort of thing).

Things that work for me…

Now that we have set the criterion, here is my recipe…the few things that almost always work for me:

·                  1. Do everything you can to become their size. 

o   Crouch down (or sit down) so that you can look them in the eye…or as much in the eye as possible.

o   When you are a child, adults are huge.  Communicating with them can be intimidating from the point of view of…well, the point of view of – up!! 

§  Forgotten what it’s like? Crank your neck back and look up at the ceiling for five minutes or so…you will immediately resonate with what I am saying.

·                2. For someone like me, who for most of his adult life has been 6’5” (1.98m), picking a child of at   least 3 feet (.9m) in height is a bit easier…on their necks and my knees. 

·               3. Keep a distance of three to four feet (.9-1.2m)

o   There are reasons for this:

§  Usually the child slips behind their Mum or Dad’s legs.  Providing space keeps them from feeling crowded, AND their parents from feeling you are interested in their (parent’s) knees!

§  Secondarily, it is good if the child can see all of you at once as you are crouched…they will naturally look for your eyes.

§  Thirdly, it is much easier to look at you if you are lower to the ground rather than the size of a small skyscraper.

·                4. Keep your hands within the width and height of your shoulders, and do not…I repeat…DO NOT reach out for the child (see the second part of sub point one under item 3 above).

·               5. Smile; say little complimentary things, whilst looking them gently in the eye.

o   Eyes are the windows to the soul.  Your face may be smiling, but the sincerity of your eyes will tell the story every time.

The objective here is to get the child to move out just a little from the safety of its parent’s legs.  This often happens slowly…maybe not at all, but when it does, it is not a bad idea to move back just a little giving the child a little more space.

Once the youngster feels safe, they will begin to open up and express the child inside that you were after from the start.  SUCCESS!!

Forewarned is forearmed…

Now a word of caution…Opening the child’s ‘trust and confidence’ box can be a two-edged sword.  It should NEVER be done for the sake of trying to impress the parents or others.  I say this, because once that child trusts you, you need to be absolutely prepared for what happens next.

For some children, it is just a gentle smile and a few words and gestures, out in the open, as it were…a nice, enjoyable and meaningful interchange.

On the other hand, if the child has a lot of unpredictable, un-stored energy, you must be prepared to receive what the little one expresses.  Because young children, after their baby years, do not often find themselves the center of attention from non-family members, you may find yourself perceived as a new playmate…you may become the center of their attention as long as you are in the general vicinity.

The payoff…

There are few things in life…at least in my life…that are as rewarding as capturing the attention of a child long enough to return to the unbridled joy and life of my childhood.  It is refreshing, feeding and brings with it the reward of reconnecting to the universe in a meaningful way. 

When I have the opportunity to practice this skill, I hardly every turn it down, because it almost never…almost never…disappoints.

If you find yourself consumed with the day-to-day grind, and focused on the ‘important matters of life,’ try the experiment.  Next time you are in proximity and have the opportunity…the children, grandchildren, dare I say great grandchildren of your friends…even your own – try it out.

Trust me on this, there is little in life that is as refreshing as engaging a mind that has not been yet burdened with the matters of life…the experience will unburden yours!!

- ted