The pizza is dead, long live the pizza…

“Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.

"Pooh?" he whispered.

"Yes, Piglet?"
"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's hand.

 "I just wanted to be sure of you.” 

– A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

Pizza Pie…is there a better comfort food?

I’ve been on a gluten free diet for the past couple of years.  No, I do not have celiac disease, nor attendant nutritional absorption issues that often accompany diets loaded with wheat products – at least for some people.  Nope, I’m on a gluten free diet because I am a married man.  Married you say?  Marriage is a state of cohabitation not a food source – right?  It is the “…state of cohabitation…,” however, that informs the way I eat.

To be fair, it is not just because I am married…it is more that I like to eat, and if I intend to eat in my home, I eat what Molly prepares…SHE is the one on a gluten free diet, and therefore…well, you get the picture.

I think to be fair once again, we – that would be our nuclear family – are actually not on a diet…we have changed our life styles to eat gluten free foods.  Also, to be fair, I am not always obedient to the kinds of calories I slip into my metabolic engines when not at home.

Pizza is the point here…we’ll get to that.

How it came to this…

All of this needs a little bit of explanation…

I am a man, and as such have suffered much for my gender.  I was taught that men, while cultivating relationships with women, were really…you know, in most ways superior to our planetary cohabitants of the ‘xx’ chromosome variety.  This was not my family teaching – indeed it was quite the opposite – but rather cultural influence in tandem with an over abundance of testosterone reinforcing my early worldview.

In the early years, I considered myself an enlightened man – one who realized that while I might NEVER understand women, I could live pleasantly with them – as long as I maintained an ever so slight sense of superiority.  My penchant for strong smart women, however, has chipped away at this myth over the course of my life with great vigor! 

Perhaps, I was not moving along the enlightenment pathway as quickly as God might have desired, so he brought Molly into my life…to help me understand that my sense of superiority, however slight, was a complete figment of my imagination.  The Lord God Almighty, Master of the Universe didn’t rush into it.  Recognizing I was not the sharpest tack in the box…He took his time.

An example or two…

In the early years of my professional career, I found myself in San Francisco speaking on a number of occasions.  I’m a walker and have always enjoyed exploring places I visit. On those trips, I had seen a lot of the things the city had to offer…Fisherman’s Wharf, Telegraph Hill, Cable Cars, Harbor cruises, Alcatraz.  It didn’t seem like there was much left UNTIL one year Molly came with me.  Being a man, I was content in the awareness that I would impress the ‘little woman’ with my knowledge of the city. 

There was a free day during the conference, and I suggested, with a little inner glee, that we walk around and see what we might find.  Instead, she suggested we take a city tour.  A city tour?  What about my plan for ME to be the center of attention…the man…the guide, the impresser of my mate?  A city tour?  Are you kidding? “Who would do a city tour?”   How…how…how pedestrian!!  Yet for the sake of love, and the loss of a little pride, I said, “Sure hon, I think that would be fun.” Grrrrrr! 

By the end of the morning, I was both amazed and a little embarrassed.  It was one of the more educational and fun things I had done in a long time.  As it unfolded, I realized in short order, I knew very little about San Francisco!  That tour provided ideas for explorations of the Bay area for future years, a number of which I/we have done and a few that are still on the bucket list!

“Don’t do more than you can…”

Then there was yoga.  Yoga, you know that ‘girlie’ exercise.  Oh sure, maybe some men in California might do it, but seriously – what a joke.  Yes sir, I have a PhD in the area of exercise!  Who could know more about exercise than me?  I didn’t need to have done it to see how silly and a futile waste of time it was. 

When Molly suggested we do an activity together and it was yoga, I thought, “Yoga…what???...Really??...NO!...”  What I actually said was, “Sure hon, let’s do it!”  Off we went, and as I suspected, I was the only guy in the class! 

Well, after spending the evening with the girls, in this ‘non-exercise’ class, I could barely get out of bed the next morning.  Had I listened to the teacher and not tried to do too much, my first experience might have been a little more meaningful and the next morning a little less painful!  Yoga turned out to be rigorous, deliberate, custom tailored to each member of the class, and in short order became something I looked forward to every week. 

That was better than six years ago, and while I do not attend yoga classes these days, I practice it an hour or so twice a week, and have found it both relaxing and helpful to my balance.

Oh yes, the pizza…

As long as I can remember, after my first pizza at the Poky Dot Restaurant in Fairmont, West Virginia in the late 1950s or early 1960s, I have had an unnatural appetite and ability to consume the stuff. 

I wasn’t alone in this.  My late sister Nancy also had the pizza-eating gene.  While there may not be a legion, there are many who sat in our presence and knew with a sense of genuine awe, that in this area of culinary practice, we were gifted!

I never saw it coming…

Over the past couple of years, which just happens to coincide with the change in our eating habits, we haven’t eaten much pizza.  This is because those pesky gastronomic delights are made of wheat flour…the gluten culprit.  What we have done, from time to time, is eaten small ‘gluten free crusted’ pizzas at home.  They are okay, but as anyone who has eaten them knows, they aren’t the real genuine article!

A couple of weeks ago Molly was in Tucson and I found myself shopping on my own at the local Costco store.  I did mention, I am not always faithful to the lifestyle diet to which I have become accustomed.  With Molly away, from a dietary point of view, it was like being out of town myself.

 As I heading toward the fresh produce section of the store, I heard a small voice whisper, “Hey Ted.  Pssst Ted, over here.”  I looked toward the sound, and to my surprise on a refrigerated shelf were a couple of dozen ‘ready to cook pizza pies.’  These were not just any pizza pies, but 15 inchers (38.1cm).  Whilst I am certain I heard a voice, maybe it was just in my head…I may never know.  I quickly grabbed a ‘five meat topping’ special, picked up the rest of the food on my list and headed for the checkout counter.  As soon as I got home, I heated up the oven and prepared for an evening of pizza delight!

I could not wait to slowly consume half that pie…maybe more…and eat the rest the next day.  The first slice was heaven!  The second and third went down with no friction whatsoever.  I didn’t eat quickly, but savored each bite taking my time.  As I prepared to load up on the fourth large piece, I felt a sense of mild fullness – a feeling and experience unknown to me with this kind of comfort food.  I thought, “Hmmm…I’ll just let it settle a little before tackling that last piece.”  Much to my surprise, that feeling increased and seemed a little more like bloat.

That night, I slept a bit fitfully and the next day, I felt as sluggish as if I was working in a pool of Jell-O pudding!  I began to question myself. Had I lost the gift?  The volume had not been that great.  I hadn’t gotten that old that quickly had I?  Clearly something was NOT right!

Then it hit me.  It was the change in the way we have been eating. 

Molly!! 

That was it!  She was the real culprit!  It wasn’t just city tours and yoga – not to mention a host of other things – enhancing my levels of culture and fitness.  Now, she had made me a healthier eater, only this time, she had done it under the guise of her health,  Drat the woman! 

She had dispensed with the formality of asking me what I thought and just went ahead with it!  Strong and smart…this time she caught me by guile.  She made this happen without my even noticing!

Sometimes it’s better not to ask…

I don’t want to make this sound like I am married to a calculating and manipulating woman.  In fact, the balance in our relationship is excellent.  I am suggesting, however, that there have been many times in our journey when she simply knew better than I.  Having that important insight, she has used her intellect, sense of humor, and ability to see things I do not – on many occasions – to increase the quality of my life.  I haven’t always seen that whilst looking ahead, but most often do so glancing in the rear view mirror.

Now I a healthier, more fit, and eating a better quality of food because this woman seems to ‘get it’ much better than the fellow with whom she is living.

A couple of things that make slipping through the years more pleasant are:  A reduction in the need to be right, AND a reduction in the amount of testosterone my engines can produce. 

In the end, I have found it’s a nice thing to have company riding the bus – even if it is without the pizza…

- ted