Life - it's shorter than we think...

Each of us is here for a brief sojourn; for what purpose 

he knows not, though he sometimes thinks he senses 

it. But with deeper reflection one knows from daily 

life that one exists for other people.

 - Albert Einstein

 

What would you have said, thought, or done had you known it was the last time you would see someone for whom you cared? A parent…a friend…a lover. The thoughtless expectation there would be another time…and then there wasn’t.

 

I was twelve and in the seventh grade. 

 

The shoes were a size nine, a cream-colored pair of leather slip-ons. The upper, just ahead of the arch, was a tight black knitting. They were very cool and my father’s favorite pair.  

 

I had taken them (without permission) to go to a seventh-grade talent show hoping my dad would not find out. There was a girl in a homeroom across the hall; Marilyn was her name. For some reason, we had been paired to do a free-flowing duet to the strains of Frank Sinatra’s rendition of ‘High Hopes.’

 

            “Next time you’re found 

With your chin on the ground

There’s a lot to be learned

So look around…’

 

Just what makes that little old ant

Think he'll move that rubber tree plant

Anyone knows an ant can't

Move a rubber tree plant

But he's got high hopes

 

He's got high hopes

He's got high apple pie

In the sky hopes

So any time you're gettin' low

'Stead of lettin' go

Just remember that ant

Oops, there goes another rubber tree plant…”

 

Those size nines were wonderful but only a transition to a foot growth ending in fourteens. But at the time, I was sure they would fit forever. A few months later, I tried to put them on, but alas, my feet had moved on, and I needed bigger shoes. They fit, and then they didn’t

 

I enjoyed playing the part with that young girl and in fact, relished being around her through high school. She was creative, smart, driven, focused, a little narcissistic, and a worker bee. A person who seemed to know that where she lived was only a transition to where she was going - and it wasn’t to stay in the town of her birth. I thought we would always be friends. But she had high hopes for bigger shoes, and over time, she found them. She was there, and then she wasn’t.

 

My best friend in high school was John. There was little we didn’t do together. Like two peas in a pod, I thought we would be friends "forever and a day…" Like Marilyn, John was brilliant, thoughtful, sensitive, and the best friend a young fellow could have. Then, life happened, and lessons were learned from missteps. It was a hard, in those days, to understand that life was fluid…things would not always remain the same. As with Marilyn, the universe had other plans. He was there, and then he wasn’t.

 

I did not understand the nature of change. Life was supposed to remain constant, wasn’t it? It had certainly seemed that way when I was young. I mean, it did in my brain. But my heart needed to learn that life was constantly on the move, adjusting, and becoming something different and new. Things and people were there, and then they weren’t

 

Losing my high school friends was confusing and painful. As time passed, I learned to be more careful with the people for whom I cared. I came to appreciate that in youth, what appeared to be permanent, so easily slipped away.

 

In my life, there have been many transactional relationships — people I have enjoyed and with whom I have had meaningful experiences. But true friendships? Close and consequential relationships? Folks for whom I have removed barriers to entry in my life? 

 

There have been few. Life lessons have taught me to cherish and cultivate them…they are the ones who have continued to feed my soul.  

 

In the last few years, I have lost some of those few. The ones with whom I had a deep and abiding love. They were there, and then they weren't.

 

When I post notifications about a blog, I generally say, "If you love someone – tell 'em.” This is not a casual comment, because, in fact, you may never be able to let them know.

 

Close friends in my youth slipped away because I did not appreciate the importance of 'tending the garden.'

 

At this time of my life, I understand the uncertainty and the reality of loss. So, I tell people I love them because, you know, it could be the last time…

 

- ted