“To expect the unexpected
shows
a thoroughly modern
intellect.”
- Oscar Wilde
“It’s not that you are necessarily different. You are just
weird,” he said.
It was the kind of comment only certain people can take as a
compliment and one that only a good friend can get away with saying. I was that “…certain
person…” and my friend Frank said it.
Frank and I met each other on a flight East a couple of
years ago, and in spite of the fact neither one of us are particularly good at
making close friends, we have managed to become such.
We have gotten into the habit of meeting once a week to hang
out and find ways to ensure we have a good time. These regular encounters have included
things like hiking in the desert, going to films, visiting museums, eating
lunches, hanging out drinking coffee and occasionally solving complex world
problems.
Friends – not easy to
come by…
If I were to be honest…if we were all to be honest…there are
few in our lives with whom we have become close friends. Each of us knows
people we call friends, – no doubt they are – but considering the short list of
those we would call in moments of peril, there are few indeed. These are the
ones with whom we feel no discomfort sharing anything.
I have a very long time friend, in her sixties, who has
often said, by the time we get to our ages, we really don’t have time (meaning
time left in life) to become old friends with new people.
I have subscribed to that because deep friendship requires
time and energy. It also calls for an indescribable rhythm that binds one to
the other. That is something over which I have discovered I neither understand
nor have control.
Take my old friend Dave. During the years we were in the
military, we connected. When I say connected, I am uncertain what that exactly
means. There was just something about the guy with which I resonated…something I
certainly cannot explain.
Since those years, I suspect he and I have seen one other
only a handful of times. Last summer we spent some time in West Virginia, and a
few weeks ago he was here in Tucson. We talked about this very thing...the
quality connection that was not matched by a quantity of interaction.
Yet, I would count him as a solid figure on the short list
of folk I think of as meaningful and deep friends. Perhaps there is an
explanation for this sort of thing, but for all the time I have attempted to
understand causation for significant and long-lasting connections with certain
people in my life, there seems no rational explanation…it is clearly above my
pay grade.
Of consequence, I simply accept that Dave and five or six
folk I have known, are, ‘go to’…no holds barred…filters down…people with whom I
stand openly vulnerable and trusting. Knowing these people exist, in spite of
the fact that none of them lives anywhere near me, is surprisingly freeing.
Additionally, I am NOT suggesting they feel the same way toward
me, nor do I have that expectation. The
appreciation for them is in my mind, and that is what counts.
My late colleague, mentor, and friend, Vert, used to say
that life happens in the 'unguarded moments,' the times when we are focused
elsewhere, and we are brought into proximity with something unexpected.
This brings me back to my new, old friend, Frank.
In truth, we have known each other a relatively short period
of time, yet I have discovered I appreciate this guy about as much as anyone I
have known. He is just plain fun. He is
smart, well read, and has NO PROBLEM giving me grief. In other words – a fellow
who feels comfortable saying what he thinks. If you agree, fine…if not, that’s
fine too. Importantly for me, the atmosphere we have created for ourselves is
one of trust and respect...it is a two-way street.
To my friend’s point about not having time to make ‘new’ old
friends…not long ago, I would have agreed one hundred percent. At present, I do not.
Perhaps the God of the universe understood I needed a comrade
that lived nearby. Perhaps He appreciated I needed an open dialogue with
someone who has lived nearly the same length of time I have. Perhaps it is nothing
more than serendipity…none of that matters.
All I know is that Frank showed up, and I'm a better man for
it.
Am I weird? Probably – it's a burden with which I will
simply have to live.
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