I didn't have them all at once...

When you encourage others, you in the process

are encouraged because you’re making a

commitment and difference in that

person’s life. Encouragement

really does make a difference.

Zig Zigler, See you at the top

I’ve known Scott and Genny for decades, and over the years we have been good friends…you know the kind…warm, comfortable, few barriers…real good friends.

Over those years, they have had four children – that would be four girls – who find themselves in various stages of migration from childhood to young adult, facing the approaching future with optimism and strength. Raised in a cauldron of faith and loving support, they have been prepared for the challenges of life that will bring successes, failures and the resiliency to get up when knocked down – one of the great gifts caring parents can give.

There is a certain mayhem that comes with raising small children each of who have different needs and interests. When the girls were young, I found myself in awe at the calm with which Genny seemed to manage, what appeared to me to be, an ongoing series of adolescent Chinese fire drills.

Once when the girls were in various stages of ‘childrenhood’ I asked her how she managed to do this while at the same time providing for their individual curiosities and expectations.

With a gently winsome smile, a knowing look tied to unknown millennia of motherhood, and a wisp of blond hair dangling along the side of her face, she replied, “I didn’t have them all at once.”

By now, two of these young women have left home and begun their journeys to adulthood as they face the future with energy and a sparkle in their eyes – the horizon of the unknown clearly in their sights.

Little happens by accident…

There are a number of deliberate things Scott and Genny do with their girls, one in which I have been privileged to participate. During the girls’ 16^th year, a small number of friends are asked to participate in a mentoring program – the task pretty straightforward: Spend time with the girl and share one lesson they might be able to slip into their life tool kit.

With McKay and PJ under my belt in prior years, it was Quinn’s turn to step into the batter’s box for the single pitch I had to throw…the single idea that might find its way, straight and true into the fertile soil of her heart.

Tip for Quinn…

We headed out for dinner, just the two of us, to explore the universe and each other’s minds. One of the reasons I think I find resonance with young people is that I don’t look at them as young people. I consider them fellow journeymen, simply occupying a different ‘time in service’ and position on the trail of life. I am also quite interested in what they think, like and feel.

After reconnecting and catching up, we began the prepared life lesson.

In life, over what do we have control? The answer, of course is not much…or conversely, everything! Hmmm…

The ‘not much’ is actually quite a bit. For example we can’t control our friends, job, health, home, transportation (if we drive or ride) – not mention the myriad of things with which we interact on a daily basis.  In fact, we have no control over the time we live. All of these things can be taken away or lost, in many cases with unexpected swiftness.

The ‘everything’ on the other hand has to do with the world in which we really live – our minds! The things we can control are actually the only things that really count and the way we shape our worlds. It is no mystery…we can control the ideas and thoughts we accept through the portals of consciousness and the opinions created from those thoughts.

Most things come into our minds pretty much enter ‘single file,’ and most of what comes out happens the same way – ‘single file.’ What happens when all of those things get into the washing machine of our brains?? Now that is where the magic happens!

Who knows how consciousness actually operates…how the connections are made…why some things take priority and others not…perhaps some day it will be understood, but for now they fall into the great unknown of the ‘…what is…’

We are seldom able to control the circumstances into which we are thrust, but we can control the way we respond and/or think about them; it is surprising how many people do not know this.  It seemed that a soon to be 16 year old might find the idea worth considering – if not now…later, ‘cause my job was only to plant the seed.

The metaphor presented to her was a target…a target where she (her mind…her world) was center point. Each concentric circle represented things that might influence her life…people, circumstance, events and so forth – at a variety of distances from her in day-to-day life.

As we talked about the things that she reacts to, we used the ‘target’ to see where they might lie. I was surprised at how quickly she was able to see the further things lay from the center of the target, the less control she had, and how time wasted on them was not helpful.

I have little expectation my young friend will make this a living part of her mind in the very near future, but I know this…seeds that are NOT planted never have the opportunity go grow. How and when that happens, I have no idea, but spending a little time with this bright and thoughtful girl, suggested when she recognizes the need and slips her ‘hand’ into the took kit, the idea will serve her well.

- ted