It was always about love...

“When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood 

as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became 

a man (woman), I put away childish things…” 

1Co 13:11

Looking across the table over lunch, it was as if only a day had passed since being together. But, in fact, it had been years! She was in town for a few hours on her way to somewhere else.

That’s the thing about friendship, isn’t it? A timeless space where the only thing that matters is being together. I think one of the most basic human desires is to be in ‘no time’…‘a zone’ where nothing is measured…it just is. 

To be fair, we had Skyped sporadically…but in person? It had been nearly two decades. There is something about face-to-face that is powerful. The world slips away, and it takes on a life of its own for however long it lasts. This was it, and there we were! You know what I’m talking about.

There was another time we sat together. We were not alone then. A group of five or six youngsters was sitting on the floor in a semi-circle. The lesson was just finishing when a little hand shot up.

“Yes, Ashley. A question?”

In a small and halting voice, she said, “Uh, well, uh, I mean, uh, I thought we were going to talk about sex!”

I could barely contain a chuckle. When I recounted the story to her over lunch, we both laughed out loud!

This forty-one-year-old woman was six or seven at the time and in a very different space.

Then…

I was part of a spiritual community for three decades. It was a group of Bible teachers and students. It was not a fellowship of legalists accepting every word as literal truth, but rather one that believed the scripture was a guide for spiritual growth and enlightenment. 

Growing up in a family as a preacher’s son, I can't remember when I did not have an interest in the scriptures. My father read them around the table. My mother added substance and love telling Old and New Testament stories.

When I left my family’s harbor of spiritual safety, I found that religions were not the same as my experience. In broad brush strokes, the churches I attended fell into two categories…social gatherings, with a little scripture tossed in or lots of scripture that subtly increased guilt and shame in parishioners.

The former, while enjoyable, did not feed my spiritual hunger; the latter, steeped in carrot-stick teachings (be good or be punished), offended my sensibilities. It was refreshing to find a group that was serious about scripture study for the sake of understanding rather than control. A people who understood spiritual growth takes time and can’t be legislated.

What about sex?

I thought it might be a good idea to teach a sex education class to the church in those early years. Having done some health counseling within the congregation it became apparent that while spiritual understanding was substantial, the women and men knew little about their physical bodies. 

The elders agreed but didn’t want it to be an event that reinforced religious myths and taboos. If we were going to do this, it was to be open and honest. The good news was that we had some nurses and health educators within the organization. 

Off to the races…

A small group of us prepared the curriculum, and a teaching day was set aside. 

The adults were put in mixed-gender sessions with films, handouts, and hands-on anatomical models. For most, it was the first time they had ever heard open discussions about their bodies. 

The children got half a day. There were cartoon books with basic age-appropriate information. One of the models was a pregnant belly that could be opened to see the baby in the womb. The 'baby' could be taken out for the children to pass around and handle. They were fascinated and had lots of questions. How did the baby get out? What was it doing in there? Surprisingly they didn't have much interest in how it got there in the first place.

Many questions were answered that day, and myths dispelled. You could feel a sense of freedom and relief amongst the adults. It was a rousing success!

Then there was Ashley. When I asked her what she meant, she wasn't clear but was sure we had never talked about sex.

This is now…

Sitting across the table from this vibrant young woman could not have been better. For a while, I had been her teacher but always been her friend. 

We caught up on each other’s lives, sharing stories about families and friends. We laughed a lot and had some moments of quietness. And then, in a blink of an eye, she was gone.

I revisit that little girl sitting in a semi-circle with her hand in the air from time to time. That day I didn't exactly know how to respond to her comment or address her underlying question. 

I do now!

Ash, wherever you are…you were right. That education day at the church was never really about sex. It was always about love…

- ted