“To know the road ahead, ask those coming back.”
– Chinese proverb
The headline on the magazine cover read “Your Body at 70!”
What could be more compelling than for a guy like me to see the article header, AND be in his seventy-first year? The pre-head in smaller type indicated this was the AARP (American Association of Retired People) “Spring Health Special.”
Somewhere between 129 – 210 AD, a fellow named Galen put forth a series of what he considered healthy habits. He had been sickly in his youth, and based on the teachings of Hippocrates, he developed these habits.
• Good sleep, • Healthy Eating
• Balanced Passions • Good Digestion
• Proper Exercise • Exposure to Clean Air
He, of course, did not have the advantage of modern scientific advice. Little doubt, years of subsequent research surely would refine these rather rustic ideas. I knew about Galen, but man, I couldn’t wait to get into that article – full title: “Your Body at 70+ - What to expect in your 70s.”
Healthy Nirvana began on page thirty-four.
The table of contents suggested other offerings, like ‘Mellissa’s (Funny) Secret,” “Let’s go Fishing!” and “The Buddy I’ll Never Forget.”
I was mildly distracted by a piece about Lauren Hutton, a famous model/actress of yesteryear, who has a new film. Okay, I was more than mildly distracted. Ms. Hutton declared in bold print, “If you obsess about your looks, it kills your spirit.” Easy to say for someone, who at seventy-four looks like she is in her fifties. I was hoping for a little insight into her life's journey, you know, having been on the path a few years longer than me. The 'down the road' advice from her? Go see her new movie, I Feel Pretty…disappointing for someone advising not to obsess about one’s looks!!
Overcoming that brief distraction and wanting to get to that piece on things to expect in this decade, I flipped the pages. Okay, a few other things got in the way:
• A short paragraph on the development of new hospital gowns with a box pleat in the back to avoid embarrassing exposure of one's hindquarters (who wouldn't want that).
• A confession from Andrew Lloyd Webber that he was financially overleveraged when he produced Cats…afraid he would not be able to make his house payments (I had been worried about that).
• How to make deviled eggs by substituting hummus or cottage cheese for mayonnaise (couldn't quite wrap my head around that).
• Recommendations of movies meant for mature theatergoers: Stg. Stubby - An American Hero (cartoon), Deadpool 2, and Solo: A Star Wars Story…really??
None of these minor interruptions could deter me from what I knew was going to be an enlightening article dedicated to the geriatric decade I have by now fully embraced.
Well, there was that small – and as it turned out – meaningless fluff about Angela Lansbury, who is aimlessly in her nineties. Then, there was constructive advice on phone scams. Just hang up or better yet, don’t even answer.
Man, there was a lot of stuff to get through. I couldn’t stop myself, yet was tiring of things like how to plan for an adult child's unexpected illness (Whew! We've got no kids), why I shouldn't worry about moving from making money to spending it, and fifty-four "Free Resources" for seniors. Geeze, I was only on page twenty-nine.
With apologies to Melissa McCarthy, I was afraid that if I took the time to read, “Melissa McCarthy, Actor, Comedian, Designer, Farm Girl, Mother, Daughter,” I would not have the energy to get to the "Healthy Living 2018" section, four pages later.
Forgoing the short nap my body was by now demanding, I pressed forward…climbed the mountain…and flipped the page feeling like the character described in the parable of The Cave in Plato’s Republic. I couldn’t wait to emerge from the darkness of six unenlightened decades and bask in the sunlight of advice that would guide the rest of my seventies.
It’s hard to describe how primed I was. Eyes sparkling, I took a deep breath and began.
General health was the warm-up topic. You know, the importance of optimism (less stress) and the expectation of good years to come. Yep, a good start.
Apparently, I’m twenty-six percent less likely to die of cancer (the caveat – as long as I get screened). There was a possibility that by age seventy-five I might need a pacemaker (make sure to keep that battery fresh and fully charged), and it would be good to get a dog (not sure what our cats would think of that). I was also encouraged to note that it is easier than ever to make changes in lifestyle – maybe because with a reduced capacity to do stuff, the options are fewer. This was good. I felt like I could get into this seventies groove.
From the above enlightening information, the article went on to provide stunningly relevant guidelines on how to keep my brain, senses, looks (damn you Lauren Hutton), muscles/bones, and sex life in tip-top shape. I was nodding my head and agreeing, ‘cause I was doing all the recommended things. Okay, the head nodding was beginning to cause some mild discomfort, but what’s a little pain in the face of gushing enlightenment.
At first, being confronted with all this vital information, in easily consumable fashion, I couldn’t quite get the overview. I mean, I wasn’t seeing the new stuff. The ‘up ahead’ seemed to be a forest. I couldn’t quite discern the trees. I knew there had to be nuggets of a better future, but they seemed somehow out of reach.
Then it began to dawn on me. This ‘see what the road has in store’ had everything to do with the road I had been on for most of my adult life. The pathway was not some insight into what was in store, but continuing to live the lifestyle of decent sleep, balanced passions, proper exercise, healthy eating, proper digestion and exposure to clean air (I think the healthy sex was just a benny).
In the end, I have to say, I was hoping for a little more and yet, I was consoled by the wisdom of Solomon from the Scriptures:
“The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done. So, there is nothing new under the sun.” (Ecc. 1:9)
The health care community has spent a lot of money and scientific effort to establish that Galen's ideas nearly two thousand years ago, were right on the money - apologies to the AARP and all those researchers.
My body at seventy? As I slip forward into the mists of time, The thing that has been is that which shall be – you know, that’s the road ahead.
- ted
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