“Our greatest glory is not in never failing,
but rising up every time we fall.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
It’s been two weeks now, and the worst of the withdrawal is over. I still find myself reaching, but am in better control now.
I’m confessing this, because confession is good for the soul, AND the more I keep the battle in front of me, the better my chances are of a full recovery. I fully admit that I may never recover, but I feel it will not be long before I will be as free as possible from this addiction.
There, I said it – addiction.
When this all started and Donald Trump announced his candidacy for President of the United States, I was amused and thought smugly to myself, Well, a little entertainment in the election cycle, no matter how weirdly curious it might be, should be fun – short lived, but fun.
Being a fiscal conservative and a social left leaner, I watched the Republican Debates with an “I cannot look away from the screen at this impending train wreck.”
By any account, it was a compelling theater of the absurd…surreal, to the point of complete disbelief. To my amazement, even the most ambitious, calculating, callous and hubris filled politicians, found themselves taken to a level of civil discourse that plunged into sophomoric rhetoric with the speed of an earthbound meteor.
As each week went by, this prince of farce sucked so much oxygen out of the air, it was difficult to breathe. Listening to the daily release of vacuous streams of consciousness began making me feel claustrophobic. I didn’t realize I was being sucked in. I kept thinking I could handle this.
As it turns out I couldn’t. I found I had become addicted to political news. Keeping up with Mr. Trump was no problem whatsoever. The media, never more openly exposed themselves as bottom feeding, bottom line driven organizations, clutching this goldmine of spectacularly profitable entertainment.
News? Nah, the Trump-train, was money in the bank. They were using him – or was he using them? No doubt, they gave this 'empty suit' millions of dollars of free advertising as he spent months insulting and roasting nearly everything that we have tried to teach our children America stands for. This entertainer knows, the key to commercial success is to appeal to the lowest common denominator. At this, he is a master.
Here is the confession and my personal struggle.
As the political season progressed, I found myself mesmerized by a living oxymoron of a man. He was as compelling as Archie Bunker of “All in the Family,” a pioneer in disrespectful burlesque. I found myself drawn to television, print and internet news/video just to see if I could become any more incredulous that this fellow might – and I say might – survive the primaries and emerge as the candidate of his party.
By now, he is the candidate of the Republican Party. I had become so emerged in a life of suspended disbelief, I was spending significant portions of my day watching and waiting for a megalomaniac crash and burn like the Hindenburg.
What I didn’t notice were the toxic feelings that were building in me. Like any addiction, I needed more exposure, more to see, more crevices of the landscape to explore, hoping against hope I would find some satisfaction in the demise of his poisonous discourse. The more I watched, listened and read, the worse I felt – the debasing conversation seeping into my soul.
A couple of weeks ago, after being away from my media fix a couple of days, I found myself having an almost physical urge to get back to the computer, load up my browser and catch up on what had become a routine of Fox News, CNN, Huffington Post, New York Times and Politico. When that wasn’t enough, I would go to British and Canadian news outlets just to see if there was anything new. I found myself needing to feel more animus and disgust.
When I realized it had come to this, I made the decision to go cold turkey! I was NOT going to look at anything political. I stopped watching the evening news and in the mornings when I fired up the computer, repeated to myself, You don’t need this. You are better than this. Think calming thoughts. Focus on your work.
In the beginning, I found my mind hungering for the ‘fix.’ I found myself unconsciously typing ‘Fox N…’ into my URL. There was more than once, I was extremely close to the abyss.
I have been clean now for more than fourteen days, I believe the worst is over. I’m confident I will get through the next few weeks, feeling better with each passing day.
This ‘professional wrestling’ election cycle has been an astonishing expression of just how willing some people are, through narcissistic need, to say anything to win. Machiavelli might even scratch his head. He would say, “Look like a good guy, but don’t be one.” Good guys don’t succeed. Moral Compasses? For losers! Mr. Trump hasn’t even made an attempt to look like a good guy.
In a few weeks, I will vote. I look forward to that simple and sacred act, to bring closure to this incredulous election where I allowed myself to be seduced.
What comes next? We will all have to wait to see. Whatever emerges, I will do my best to behave based on rational thought and try to avoid sinking into the collective quagmire of social and political mediocrity.
- ted
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