Taking the moment...

"Nearly all the best things that came to me in life 

have been unexpected, unplanned by me."

– Carl Sandberg

I thought the poster tube would be at the front desk. It wasn’t.

There is an axiom for presenting at professional meetings. Don’t pack your presentation material. Carry it with you. In the early days, there were stories of luggage – and slides – lost somewhere in transit. In fact, one year at a meeting in the Midwest, I discovered, much to my horror, that I had forgotten my slides altogether. Improvisation is the key. The ‘lemonade’ I made was a virtual description from a podium in front of a blank screen. Surprisingly, it worked.

At most scientific meetings abstracts of potential presentations are sent to a committee for review. If the submission is accepted, it is given a second look to decide whether it will be a podium talk, or given a poster slot.

Our abstract submission was accepted as a poster for the Miami meeting. Since it was large, I made the decision to send it by Federal Express. Feeling a little nervous, I dropped the poster off and hoped I would not need to find another print shop when I got to Miami.

When I arrived, I called the front desk – no poster! After the initial panic, and explaining there were specific instructions on the address label, I was told it was probably at the FedX office in the hotel, and I could get it at 7 AM the next morning.

Seven AM – Next Morning

When I walked in the shop, Jonathan and Servio were talking in the corner behind the cash register.  Both fellows looked Hispanic, but as I learned a little later, Servio’s heritage was Italian, Jonathan, maybe Honduran.  The good news? The poster was there. Servio went to get it.

The better news is that Jonathan and I had a chance to chat for a few minutes.  When Servio returned, the conversation led to life, a little politics and what a great country this is. Both of the young men were immigrants, and I shared with them, I was also an immigrant whose origin of birth was Canada.

There was a little more talk about culture and origins, and then I asked them a question I have found myself asking folks over the years. It usually happens with people, male or female, with whom I feel a connection. I definitely felt a resonance with these fellows.

As soon as you read it, stop and think for a few moments about the answer before you finish reading the piece.

Here comes the question.  

Why do you consider your best friend, your best friend?   Please describe them out loud. That’s right, even if you are by yourself, pause a moment and describe your friend out loud, not necessarily loudly.

If you have done this, you may continue reading.

The above question went to Jonathan and Servio. In his brief description, Servio’s gaze drifted away, his eyes sparkled and his face lit up with a smile. You could almost see him reacting to the immediate presence of this person in his mind.  His friend was curious, made him laugh and had a big heart. Jonathan described his best friend, as humorous, compassionate, loyal and smart. He finished by saying she had brought him into the world. It was a tender moment for the three of us.

What they said was touching, but what they DID NOT SAY is the point of asking.

They told me nothing about the color of their friend's skin, eyes, or hair. They didn’t say anything about height or weight. I did not learn a thing about their friend’s favorite music, or something they did together.

What I got, and what I always get, was a description of the person’s wisdom, humor, or sense of justice. Often I am told how kind or generous or loving or understanding their friend is. Often I’ll hear about how much character they have or how brave they are.

Sometimes I'll probe a little further by asking why they did not tell me about their friend’s physical appearance. Usually, people say it just didn't come to mind.

Take home…

Here’s the thing. What really matters is the way people make us feel, not the way they look. This is what makes for individual friendships and is the basis of a strong social fabric.

It is disappointing, that we often categorize people, NOT by the content of their character as Martin King said, but unimportant things such as appearance, gender, culture, education, race, income levels or social status. All of this is background noise.

In the ocean of humanity, attention to appearance is shallow water. The ‘what’ about any person is so far removed from the ‘who,’ as to challenge one’s sensibility.  

It was good to be reminded, within the confines of that small FedX shop, the human spirit is alive and well.

- ted