“Friendship provides sustenance to the frailty
of the human condition in which I live .”
– Anonymous
Isolation is fatal! Okay, life is fatal!
I get it! But living is what happens between the bookends of birth and death. Isolation during the breath of life we have been given has everything to do with the quality and quantity of the ‘what happens’ in the middle.
I’ve been reading Marcus Cicero’s essay On Friendship the past couple of days. Friendship is that indefinable thing in which there are no strings attached. It is part of the human condition that is more needful than anything in life short of clothing, shelter, and food. Even then…even then, a good friend is one who asks for nothing – someone with whom you can talk about anything, as though you were talking to yourself…someone who shares your joy or sorrow, and has empathy for both.
I am particularly appreciative of friends that bring a sense of stability and continuity to my life. While it is easy to enjoy good, friction free moments with other folks, it is when the chips are down that I turn to those with whom I feel the safest.
I don't mean when work is challenging or a project seems insurmountable, I am talking about when the curtains of life darken the soul, and there seems to be no light…suffocating moments when it feels there is no room to breathe. It is then, the roster of those to whom I can turn, is a short list. While it might be true there is safety in numbers when the ‘shoes of life get tight,' the numbers are small.
Friendship, of course, is a two-way street. Solomon in the Proverbs writes: "A man that hath friends must show himself friendly..." (Pro. 18:24). Building bridges of real friendship takes time, interest and effort.
Cicero says:
“For friendship is nothing else than an accord in all things, human and divine, conjoined with mutual goodwill and affection, and I am inclined to think that, with the exception of wisdom, no better thing has been given to man by the immortal gods.”
It’s not that all relationships are the same, they, of course, are not, but all of them do have things in common, such as tolerance, patience, longsuffering, support and belief in one another, pleasure in time spent in one another’s company. Friendships casual or deep have these qualities. The thing about friends is that they don’t have to be around to appreciate them. Just thinking about them is often enough,
Cicero again:
“…friendship includes very many and very great advantages…it projects the bright ray of hope into the future…he that looks on a true friend, looks, as it were upon a sort of image of himself…friends though absent, are at hand…though dead, are yet alive.”
Some mistake relationships (existing for whatever reason) with friendship. This is not so. So-called friendship based on expediency in many ways is like sex without love…its meaning diminished from the purpose for which it was intended. Friendship requires kindness, love, and trust, without which is time ‘empty spent.’
If there is a point to this wandering topic, it is this. We are stronger together than we are apart. We find solace in the interaction with others, and poverty of spirit when we are alone. Friendship softens the hard edges of our lives. It breaks down barriers because it is based on love and the desire all have for inclusion.
While there are but one or two people to whom I would turn in mortal crisis, my life – and yours – has been given strength by those to whom we have reached out and gotten to know. These are the people that have expanded our worlds and increased the quality of our lives. Even better, those who have reached out to us, provide a sense of gratification and reinforcement of our own self-worth.
For me, Cicero’s words are as timely today as they were when they were written:
“Ask of friends only what is honourable; do for friends only what is honourable and without even waiting to be asked; let zeal be ever present, but hesitation absent...”
When I think about the canvas of my life, those with whom I have spent ‘my breath’ richly color it. I’m pretty sure if you take a little time and think about yours, you will feel the same…
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