Older could be better...

“…somehow, my soul was ever on the alert,

looking forward to posterity, as if it

realized that when it had departed

from this life, then at last

it would be alive…”

- Marcus Cicero:

De Senectute

(On Aging).

There are a few things I know now that I didn’t when I was younger, one of which is that getting older is NOT what I was led to believe it would be. What I knew about aging came from television programs, what my parents told me, and the older people I knew and/or visited in my youth.

Hanging around with older people is kind of like the other end of being a grand parent, or in my case a ‘grand uncle.’ There are varying frequencies of visits with the growing child for short periods of time and then you head home.

They are like the book reviews of the person/child in question…brief encounters that are extremely gratifying, but DO NOT provide nuances of experience or insight into the lives of those with whom you have just spent time. Consequently, it is hard to know what the other person’s life is really about.

What I thought…

My expectation in youth, therefore, was that getting older would be kind of cool.

Uncle Jim, for example, always had a smile on his face and a quarter in his hand when he came to visit. By the time I met him, he was in his 70s and never mentioned his debilitating arthritis or COPD…nope, he was a pleasant and cheerful older fellow.

Aunt Nellie lived to 103. When I arrived on the scene, she was near the end of her teaching career and retiring at the age of 65. Little did she, or any of us, know she would have nearly another 40 years of life. A kind soul, she always seemed to be busy with small projects and reading books. 

While she lived all of her life in Canada, I saw and spent time with her frequently and yet as enjoyable as it was to be around her, I never had one bit of insight into the final years of her life.

My older family members were reflective of all the older people I knew growing up. I got NO INSIGHT into the challenges they faced getting older.  I never thought to ask them what it was like.

Change – it’s coming youngsters…

As latter years arrived for me, I began to notice a few things:

·  My balance wasn’t quite what it had been – putting on my trousers required leaning against the bed or a wall.  

·  Molly frequently asked me to turn the volume down on the television because it hurt her ears. 

·  Glasses I had worn for a number of years did not work so well.

·  Climbing stairs was a little more taxing.

·  Walking and riding my bicycle subverted jogging.

·  Resistance exercise at the gym was a little bit more difficult…in fact; I couldn’t lift the weights I had been accustomed to.

·  It was no longer possible to eat anything I wanted, in whatever quantity I wanted without putting on weight

·  Somewhere mid afternoon, I began to feel a powerfully seductive urge to lie down for a few minutes – sometimes a little more than a few.

·  Returning home from long air travel and across time zones took more time for recovery.

What the heck!! I thought.

No old folks talked to me about these things!  They just smiled engagingly, chatted a little and then moved on. Where was their responsibility in all of this??

[Editorial comment: It should be noted that these changes caused me to explore possible solutions. While getting much stronger is probably not in the cards, Tai Chi and exercise calisthenics to music at the gym have returned my balance to normal. Molly changing our diets to more fruit and vegetables/legumes has made weight control much more manageable].

Change – rebounding…

For a brief period these changes led to a sense of melancholy.  Life as I had known it was diminishing at an unacceptable rate.  You understand, as human beings, we are used to moving forward, growing, overcoming challenges, doing a little better tomorrow than today, so you can sense my dismay as the margins of my capacity began to encroach on my lifestyle.

On the other hand, I also noticed I had unconsciously begun to think about my life differently. I was reading things that interested me and began engaging other people in more thoughtful dialogue and meaningful conversations. I noticed that while I am becoming less physically vibrant, my interactions with those around me are richer.

I have found that I love more deeply…think more openly…read more interestingly – all of this because aging has brought with it something youth and the middle years did not – time! Not really more time, but rather a more deliberate and better ‘personal interest’ use of time.

Older people often say,  “Life seems to be move so much faster than when I was young.”

I identify with that, but life can also be much more rewarding in these years depending on the way that perceived ‘ever accelerating time’ is used. My inability to be so physically active has allowed me to convert that time to exploration and thought I never even considered in earlier years. I have found a softer, less driven side of my personality permitting me to explore more of the little things.

There is little doubt, from a physical perspective and possibly a mental one; life will continue to be one of diminishing return. Having said that, at this moment, as I put these words to this electronic paper, life is richer and more meaningful than at any other time I have known.

All of this, of course, makes me wonder what is next…

- ted