The beat goes on...

“Be aware when things are out of balance…”

Lao Tzu – Tao Te Ching

“Stop philosophizing about what

a good man is and be one.”

Marcus Aurelius - Meditations

The moment I stepped out of the room in tee shirt and light jacket, I knew I was in trouble.  It wasn’t actually ‘the stepping out’ of the room, but the millisecond it took to realize the key lay on the desk inside.  You know the feeling – the mind gets it, but the hands not quick enough to beat the clicking sound of a securely shut door!

I was in the Ozark Mountains in Southern Missouri on my way to teach a course on the clinical management of chronic back pain.  It was March and a great time to be in the ‘Show Me’ State.  This is the time year, when world begins waking from the winter, and the smell of impending spring fills the air like the expectant hope of the first flight of a young bird…a special anticipation to the air – ah, the cycle of life renewing itself once again! 

The trip in had been uneventful and the motel, while modest, had one of those beds that afforded a great night’s sleep.  A common, but not excessive ‘road warrior,’ I have spent many a night in strange cities and in strange beds.  No matter where the room, its cost, or what it looks like…only one thing really matters once the lights are out…how does that bed sleep!  This one was excellent!

It was a modest, family-owned motel where the car parked just outside the room, so slipping out lightly clad seemed reasonable.  Reason quickly faded as chilling reality took front seat.  In addition to being outside the now locked door, the temperature had dropped twenty degrees over night bringing with it an unexpected snow and ice storm.  It was very cold!

Clearly there was motivation to change my circumstance quickly.  There is another motivating factor in the early morning hours – hot coffee! So rather than going to the office to get another key – a rational strategy – I fired up the car, turned on the defroster and waited, shivering until the car heated up – being an early riser doesn’t imply common sense.

Coffee being the predominant thought, the hunt was on for an early morning vendor of that black elixir that renews the cycle of my life on a daily basis.  This was, however, rural Missouri and it was going to take a little time to find a place.

You see what you look for - find what you know...

By the time I found the roadside restaurant, it was 5:30AM and the singular thought occupying my mind was that hot liquid of morning rebirth.  The place was big and stark.  The man behind the counter, in a tone of distracted non-interest said, “Do you want to smoke or not?” I said no and was pointed to a side room down a short hall. 

The non-smoking room was a bit smaller with all but one table empty.  Overhead, 1960s music was playing; the first couple that caught my attention were:  “Help, I need somebody, help, not just anybody, help, you know I need someone. Help me,” and “I can’t get no satisfaction.” – by the Beatles and Rolling Stones respectively.  Songs that excited passion and debate in their day, but now seemed familiar, yet tired lyrics, reflecting a sense of paradise lost, with little help and a touch of thoughtful dissatisfaction.  “Those were the days, my friend.  We thought they’d never end…”  Yet, like the slowly sinking sun into the Western sky, those days…those days slipped into the greyish unfocused shapes of yesteryears.

I was not alone…

I took an empty table and glanced at the others in the room. Both women already looked exhausted.  They were mothers with three children between them – one baby and two little ones, each competing for attention – no men to be seen.  The older of the two asked for a little more water apologizing for the mess the children were making.  The waiter, no doubt having seen this movie more than once, said, “Sure” in a moderately inattentive and knowing monotone. 

You could sense the mothers’ anxiousness – these children needed to eat the food, because for them it was expensive and who knew what would be coming the rest of the day.  How often growing up, did we hear variations of this expression, “Eat your food <your name here>. You should be grateful – just think of all the children starving in <fill in the blank for the country>.” 

The urgency and frustration in this disheveled, blue jean clad mother’s voice, had little to do with starving children anywhere, but rather a compelling urgency that filling these children up was a necessity of life.  Her words carried a tired sternness, “You need to eat the rest of your breakfast.  Don’t let me hear you say you are hungry later…” as if the child had anyway to understand the importance of fueling up for what might be the biggest – maybe only meaningful meal of the day. 

The starkness of the scene, the sense of ‘paradise lost’ in the words of the tired 60s music, and the reality of millions of people living on the edge was overwhelming – almost tangible in this early morning hour.  The emergent problems of these women were not my problems…or were they?  The child caring, fatherless setting, all too common, even in this land where there is so much. 

It is an old story…

What is the mother to do?  How does she survive?  Where does she find the resources to care for this unwanted, but clearly present responsibility?  Who knows what she was thinking, or ‘wanted to hear’ when she was promised the “…whatever…” that caused her to ‘give it up,’ and led to this circumstance.  She, of course, would do what mothers have done through all of time, when left to care from the conception and birth, of a poorly conceived moment in time.  She would do whatever it took!

I got the coffee, had a little breakfast, paid my bill and added a tip.  Yeah, I got a little more interested service, because it was clear, in this setting, only one table was going to tip anything, and it wasn’t the women with the children. 

One of us was inconvenienced by a minor unexpected circumstance, the consequence of which…get a new key and go on with the day – a small thing really.  The others were inconvenienced by a grinding and unrelenting life circumstance - a much greater consequence.  They wouldn’t find a solution to their situation quite so easily.

What do we do? How do we ‘…pay it forward?’  How do we invest the privilege we’ve been given to try and make a difference?  Clearly, most of the world around us is out of our control, there is little we can influence other than our own thoughts, AND we can try to be good farmers…planting ideas and thoughts in the minds of those with whom we come in contact.  We can also act on the thoughts that have been planted in our minds.

I should have quietly paid for their breakfast on my way out – I didn’t.  Next time I won’t make the same mistake…lessons learned – hindsight, you know?

As I left the restaurant, I could hear the closing refrain of the Sonny and Cher hit echoing in my brain, “…the beat goes on, on, on, on, on….”

My hope? Today and next time - be a better man…

- ted