Who Are We?

 “And so Javert, you see it's true.
That man bears no more guilt than you!
Who am I?  2-4-6-0-1! “

Jean Val Jean “Who am I?”

Les Miserables  - the Musical

In the beginning, we don’t know.  Then we know.  Then we aren’t sure.  Then we really don’t know – you know?

This question of “Who are we?” ranks right up there with “What is the meaning of life?” Maybe, the subject is a little too big to chew here…maybe we’ll settle for a subset of the question – ‘Who am I?’ You know, something more manageable.

Setting the Stage – We don’t know…

Early in the game there is a consistent sound that seemed to be associated with us.  For me, it was “Ted.”  Amongst all the confusing new sounds, in this new journey, one seemed to emerge with consistent regularity – “Ted!” My Mum and others would look in my direction and say “Ted.”  It took a while, but soon it seemed I was...'a Ted.'  The totality of what I understood about the ‘who’ – was Ted.

A little later I understood ‘Ted’ was only part of the story – I was more than that. I was actually a Thomas Edward – and the strangest of things – a Dreisinger.  Turns out the initials T.E.D. defined the broader picture of who I was.  That was a lot for a little fellow to grasp. 

The first lesson in the need for repetition comes with our names.  The “Ted,” so frequently repeated, seemed clear – the “Thomas Edward” okay, but the Dreisinger, now there was a problem.  It was ‘dry-something,’ no, it was ‘Drei-something’…well, since it was so infrequently spoken or heard, it took some doing to finally get it.

The early years – We know…

As the years went by, the ‘who I was’ grew and gained clarity through the associations of places I lived, and my family.  Identification of the ‘who’ progressively became things such as:

Student                                    Disc Jockey                 Janitor

Athlete                                    Factory worker            Husband

Social security number           Soldier                         Youth counselor

...Like all of us, a number of different things.

“HEY! Wait just a minute here!” 

There comes a time in life, when things begin to slow down just a little.  A time when there are a few moments of reflection.  A time when realization begins to dawn that the defining labels don’t quite seem to fit any more.

These were the things I had done.  They were NOT ME!

The game is on – We aren’t sure…

This realization did not come until my mid twenties, and because not much thought had been given to the ‘who’ question. Then the question became: where to start?

So much time had been spent padding the resume of life; there had been little question or reflection.  There were few knowledgeably meaningful choices...just challenges presented and overcome – learning whatever the skill set required to perform the activity at hand.

More is required…

Change and growth only come when there is friction in the system.  With no challenge, there is no growth.  Some changes don’t require much thought.  Feet get bigger, shoes seem smaller; one changes their shoes – right? 

You might not notice the foot growth, but you will surely notice the tightness of the shoe.  The natural and unrelenting tension of growth provides the opportunity for change.  ‘Opportunity for change’ the operative words, because opportunity implies choice. ‘...to do or not to do?...’ – the fundamental question.

Choice can be made to refuse change, but ‘no change’ does not mean nothing happens – in the living universe, things do not remains static.  Either way there are consequences.  Change the shoes to accommodate the increase in size or bind the feet so they cannot grow.  The tension for growth, while painful in the short run, creates more opportunity.  Bind the feet, and soon it is remarkably more painful and the number of opportunities, diminish to the extreme.

Can we cross the river? – We really don’t know!

This is the most critical juncture in life – a rebirth really. 

When the journey began, we knew nothing – only that NOT taking that first gasp for air was not an option…Even that must have been oppressively difficult.  Swimming upward…hoping to break the surface and capturing that first refreshing intake of air.  While we may not remember the reflex as we entered the planet, we had singular unspoken focus - GET THAT BREATH!  There was no option -  breathing was (is) key to our survival.

When the question ‘Who am I?” arrives, it does so with similar feelings of discomfort, a sense of '...needing to breathe...' - an underlying drive that says, “This birth is equally as important in the process of life as birth from the watery darkness of the womb."

What to do next is as totally unknown as our physical birth, for in this birth the gasp is not just for air, but for life itself.  This is a most painful transition, because it requires more than just a built in reflex to breathe, it now requires deliberate choice to take the next step into a world that is unfamiliar.  Just as we knew nothing whatsoever about the world into which we were thrust as a newborn child, we know little to nothing about the world into which we are being drawn…

More to come…

 

- ted