“If children are our future, connecting with them in
the present
increases our vision of the future, and
brings meaning to our past…”
- anonymous
I’ve enjoyed children pretty much all of my
life. I mean, I liked ‘em when I was one
of them, maybe because I felt like I belonged…you know, a group of little
people that seemed like me! As I grew older
with that group – those who were my contemporaries, I never lost my connection
with the ‘little people’…
When I’m around them, it’s invigorating. Some high-end psychotherapist might suggest a
diagnosis like ‘Peter Pan Syndrome,’ or some other more serious sounding, and
completely unpronounceable name…but for me?
I just like kids.
Over the years, I have learned to
communicate with them. It’s odd to say I
have ‘learned’ to communicate, I mean, I was one of them…Somehow, however,
while we are in the business of learning our alphabet, how to use numbers, and the
way to act in a socially acceptable way, our child-speak seems to slip away. Of course, maturing and become a self-actualized
adult has value, but it does come at cost.
Here are a few things I have learned. Before I reveal some things that work for me,
let me be clear…I have not had children.
This is important, because I have missed that middle of the night colic;
flues, chickenpox, bumps, scratches and myriad of other events that might cause
one to be grateful the early child years are done.
Also, these techniques are not particularly
valuable before children can walk or talk.
When they are babies, they don’t discriminate much and seem to react to
simple cooing, gently single syllable words, loving, non-threatening smiles,
and for reason unknown to me a higher pitched voice. Even the biggest of manly men, somehow seem to
automatically raise the pitch, and soften the edge, of their voices.
(Parenthetical note: this piece may be
directed more toward men, because women...well, women seem to be inherently
wired for this sort of thing).
Things
that work for me…
Now that we have set the criterion, here is
my recipe…the few things that almost always work for me:
· 1. Do everything you can to become
their size.
o
Crouch down (or sit down) so
that you can look them in the eye…or as much in the eye as possible.
o
When you are a child, adults
are huge. Communicating with them can be
intimidating from the point of view of…well, the point of view of – up!!
§ Forgotten what it’s like? Crank your neck back and look up at the
ceiling for five minutes or so…you will immediately resonate with what I am
saying.
· 2. For someone like me, who for
most of his adult life has been 6’5” (1.98m), picking a child of at least 3
feet (.9m) in height is a bit easier…on their necks and my knees.
· 3. Keep a distance of three to
four feet (.9-1.2m)
o
There are reasons for this:
§ Usually the child slips behind their Mum or Dad’s legs. Providing space keeps them from feeling
crowded, AND their parents from feeling you are interested in their (parent’s) knees!
§ Secondarily, it is good if the child can see all of you at once as
you are crouched…they will naturally look for your eyes.
§ Thirdly, it is much easier to look at you if you are lower to the
ground rather than the size of a small skyscraper.
· 4. Keep your hands within the
width and height of your shoulders, and do not…I repeat…DO NOT reach out for
the child (see the second part of sub point one under item 3 above).
· 5. Smile; say little complimentary
things, whilst looking them gently in the eye.
o
Eyes are the windows to the
soul. Your face may be smiling, but the
sincerity of your eyes will tell the story every time.
The objective here is to get the child to
move out just a little from the safety of its parent’s legs. This often happens slowly…maybe not at all,
but when it does, it is not a bad idea to move back just a little giving the
child a little more space.
Once the youngster feels safe, they will
begin to open up and express the child inside that you were after from the start. SUCCESS!!
Forewarned
is forearmed…
Now a word of caution…Opening the child’s ‘trust
and confidence’ box can be a two-edged sword.
It should NEVER be done for the sake of trying to impress the parents or
others. I say this, because once that
child trusts you, you need to be absolutely prepared for what happens next.
For some children, it is just a gentle
smile and a few words and gestures, out in the open, as it were…a nice,
enjoyable and meaningful interchange.
On the other hand, if the child has a lot
of unpredictable, un-stored energy, you must be prepared to receive what the
little one expresses. Because young
children, after their baby years, do not often find themselves the center of
attention from non-family members, you may find yourself perceived as a new
playmate…you may become the center of their attention as long as you are in the
general vicinity.
The
payoff…
There are few things in life…at least in my
life…that are as rewarding as capturing the attention of a child long enough to
return to the unbridled joy and life of my childhood. It is refreshing, feeding and brings with it
the reward of reconnecting to the universe in a meaningful way.
When I have the opportunity to practice
this skill, I hardly every turn it down, because it almost never…almost never…disappoints.
If you find yourself consumed with the
day-to-day grind, and focused on the ‘important matters of life,’ try the
experiment. Next time you are in
proximity and have the opportunity…the children, grandchildren, dare I say
great grandchildren of your friends…even your own – try it out.
Trust me on this, there is little in life
that is as refreshing as engaging a mind that has not been yet burdened with
the matters of life…the experience will unburden yours!!
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