Gotta friend?

“What can be more delightful than to have someone to

whom you can say everything with the same

absolute confidence as to yourself?”

- Cicero: On Friendship

Friendship is that unknown, indescribable thing that happens between two people when the trolley car of life finds a common track upon which to ride.  With some folk, the ride is pleasant, but fairly short...with others a little longer.  Then, there are those with whom from the point of contact, the ride lasts a lifetime.   

Friendships come in seasons of life, at different times, maybe for different reasons – who knows?  When they are there, however, does it really matter?

The thing about friends is that we can’t predict with whom they are going to develop, or how deep or rich they will be, until they are in full swing.  All we know is we spend a little time…a little more…and the next thing we know, it’s game on! 

The Roman philosopher Cicero said, “…nature has so formed us that a certain tie unites us all…this tie becomes stronger from proximity…” [prox-im-i-ty : definition “closeness in space or time…”].  I love that word! Yes sir, next to ‘love,’ I think it may be the most powerful word in the English language.  In fact, it could be argued, with nearly 100% assurance, without proximity, love – as much else – would be seriously handicapped.

When people are around each other, things happen…lots of things happen – some not so good, but others very good and edifying.  Of the things that are good and edifying, nothing is more satisfying to the human spirit than real friendship.  To Cicero again:

“...friendship may be thus defined:  a complete accord on…subjects human and divine, joined with mutual goodwill and affection.  And with the exception of wisdom, I am inclined to think nothing better than this has been given to man by the immortal gods.”

Nothing better indeed!

What about those friends…

What do you say when describing a friend?  Would you mention the shade of their skin, their height, weight, eye-color or shoe size?  That would be ‘NopE’ with a capital ‘N’ and a capital ‘E!’ 

You talk about their personality, sense of humor, integrity, dependability, calmness or excitability…the things that attract you to them…the things that touch you…the confidence and assurance you feel when you are with them…these are the things you tell others.  These are the things you hold with sacredness and respect in your very heart.

Take a moment to think about a close friend and then mentally tell someone about them…there is little doubt you will see what I mean.

Dinner in Old Town...

This topic slipped to the forefront of my mind as a result of dinner the other night with my friend Scott.

It was one of those cool Southern Californian evenings that begins in the mid seventies (twenties C) and drops to the low fifties (10-11C).  One of those evenings that if you were not prepared, you might be caught off guard by how quickly the temperature brings a chill in the late fall and winter months here.

The restaurant was in ‘Old Town,’ the original San Diego where in 1769, a Roman Catholic priest by the name of Father Juniero Serrathe opened a small mission.  It has been preserved, reconstituted and become one of those ‘must see’ attractions, for tourists visiting this ‘vacation destination’ spot on the sunny shores of the Pacific Ocean.  Everywhere you look, you see restaurant after restaurant serving Mexican, Spanish and other fare looking to satisfy the appetites of curious out of towners, searching for a bit of exotica in their lives.

Good food – good company…

Scott and I were able to find a little space for dinner and conversation, away from the chisels and hammers that occupy the working parts of our lives.  It isn't often that we capture this kind of time, so we were grateful for the opportunity.  

We’re old friends – I would be the older of the two – connected by similar professional training and spiritual interests.  We met when he was a graduate student in Florida in the late 80s and it seemed over the years that we found ourselves frequently in the same places…this friendship came easy.

A friend’s description…

Scott is a businessman and thoughtful chess player in the art of life…a good strategic thinker and planner.  He is particularly good at seeing, in the 'blocks of raw granite' of his world, the sculpture just under the surface – waiting to be revealed.  Scott’s father once told me he could have built a house in his teens without blueprints…just from what he saw in his head.  He has a sophisticated hand, a nice touch, and knows getting the art out of the stone takes dedication and hard work…not easy, but what things worth getting are? 

In addition, Scott has a good eye for people.  You know how some folk surround themselves with people less bright than they because of their insecurities?  Not my friend Scott! He knows how to gather really bright people who ‘get him’ and supply the quality and innovative support he needs for the work at hand.

He is a devoted family man with four, I said four daughters ranging from a precocious little girl to a budding young woman preparing herself to head out into life in a few years.  The two ‘in-betweeners’ are both unique and equally curious in their own rights.  While dads and mothers always think ‘their children’ are special – as they should – in fact these girls/young women are spectacularly talented, each in their particular way…but this is about their dad – my friend.

How devoted is he?  In addition to his routine 60+ hours a week, he ‘dates’ each of the girls once a month…a special evening or event where they get that one-on-one time with dad.  He camps out with them, goes to plays with them, works at church with them, AND puts up with the family ‘all girl band’ when they practice in the garage…to be fair, he may be ‘working’ sometimes when they practice.

While this piece is about Scott, much more could be written about Genny, the woman who has put up with him for almost two decades.  There was a famous actor/dancer by the name of Fred Astaire who made several films with a co-star and dancing partner, Ginger Rogers.  While Fred got most of the credit as a dancer, Ginger did many of the same things while dancing backwards and in high heels….that would be Gen, but again, this is about her mate – my friend.

In all of this, Scott is an honorable man, who like all of us, fights to do the right things in life…who understands it’s not the beginning, but the end of a thing that counts…that tries to live the example as much as possible, and in partnership with Genny works to raise his children with the values of discipline, hard work and determination.

Yep, that’s my friend Scott.

I’ve shared one of my friends, what about that friend you were thinking of?

- ted

Epilogue; While we have known each other 23 years, I couldn't tell you his height, weight, or the size of his shoes…