Thankful? Yes indeed…

“The happiness of your life

depends on the quality

of your thoughts.”

- Aurelius, M - Meditations

It was 4:30AM and Sarah, our middle cat, was already anxious.  Since we had slipped into a small motel in time zone east of us, it was really 3:30 on our biological clocks. What was important to Sarah was her hunger, not our sleep.

We had come to Tucson to celebrate Thanksgiving with Molly’s family.  Sarah is an insulin dependent diabetic, and our cat sitter is uncomfortable giving shots...so here we were sharing space, up a little earlier than planned and building memories.  
Thanksgiving…a time to be thankful!

Living in the moment is an important skill set to have in the management of life.  It is not to say one shouldn’t plan ahead or prepare for what’s coming, but in the context of the sun’s unrelenting rhythm sunrise/sunset…the rhythm of life…it is the moment that really counts – carpe diem! 

While Sarah understands, living in the moment is an important survival skill set, for us motel bill payers, living the moment in a broader context of life and family, enriches it considerably.

It’s the Holiday

We make a big deal about Thanksgiving in this country.  While the holiday has become important for businesses…for individual families, it is a time to get together, share food, catch up with each other, watch some sports, nap a little, eat a bit more, and quietly say good-byes…returning to our normal lives.

As a youngster, our family celebrated two of them: Canadian – the second Monday of October…American – the fourth Thursday of November. 

When we were young, the negotiations of whether we visited mother or dad’s family during the holidays were invisible to me.  For me it was uncles, aunts, cousins and food. Living in the same city made it a little less difficult logistically if not politically (we would visit both families on the day).  Eventually, as we moved to the U.S., a tradition within our family began to develop on its own…no relatives, just us…a pleasant time…a few less folk.  In the young adult years, what mattered was coming home from university or work, to see Mum, Dad and the girls.  

Molly grew up in a military family, so she too had smaller celebrations; she, like my older sister Anne, spent much of her time in the kitchen with her mother helping to prepare the food.  For me, the food was, well, always just there.  Anne cooked…Nancy and I played, visited a friend or two, and always…I mean always went to the movies together.

A side note…

I have always been attracted to smart, strong women.  Maybe it’s the assurance – the aura of ‘knowing;’ maybe it’s some mysterious continuity with the universe put in the female species that we, as men, simply do not have; maybe it’s the trade off of testosterone for understanding.  Whatever it is – it is palpable and real.

Strong, smart women are like a flame to which this moth has been (is) drawn, meaning there is a sense that a certain amount of freedom will be sacrificed – willingly I might add – for the compulsion to play in their arena.  

Mary (Molly’s mother) was particularly strong, making her a great military wife…running the household…managing the children…overseeing the logistics of frequent moves inherent in that profession.  She was a formidable force to be reckoned with.  My mother?  While seemingly easily accessible because of her good nature and quick sense of humor, she was titanium!

Yes sir, strong women both.  My mother ‘set the table’ early in my life, causing me to look for women, if not exactly like her (for surely there are none), ones with her kind of strength!

Returning to the thought…

In later years, with life a bit more settled, the Thanksgiving season is viewed through a different pair of glasses.  There is a realization that life, at least as we know it, has a limited run…no matter how successful…no matter how great the music…no matter how thrilling the story…the curtain will come down, the set will be struck, the actors will drift away, the orchestra pit will empty leaving the house eerily quiet…each component waiting…waiting for the next production…the next run… The momentary sense of emptiness of the ‘what is,’ blinding us from the richness of ‘what was,’ and the mystery of the anticipated expectation of ‘what will be.’

It is not always the last note that matters, but rather the lushness of the musical score – not the final bow, but the accumulation of scenes that holds our attention to the power of the story.  It is the ‘what was’ that informs the ‘what is.’ If the final note of the concert came unexpectedly discordant, does that mean the production was bad? Shouldn’t the entire production be judged on its full merit, not simply the last note?  While being in the moment is critical, will that moment come in isolation?  Will it not be informed by all that had come before?

The broader picture…

You see, this Thanksgiving our families are giving thanks for all that we have been given and shared and loved.  This Thanksgiving we are giving thanks for all the bumps, the warts, the irritations and the joys that made up the lives of the families into which we were born.  While nothing in life is certain, this Thanksgiving may be the last for two of them.

Molly’s mother, while sound of mind, lives in a steadily declining body in which she is, by now, an unwilling prisoner.  My sister while moderately sound of body lives in a steadily declining world of confusion and despair.  For both, this may be our last year together.  We spent the holiday with Mary and I will head to east next week to spend time with Nancy.  For her, the holiday has no meaning…I hope my presence does.

It is easy to look around at the rapidly emptying theatre of these exceedingly strong women’s lives with hopelessness and sorrow.  While there is a sense of impending emptiness that is unavoidable, I refuse to give in to melancholy and sadness.

                                                                                                             

For their ‘what was,’ a legacy of lives fully lived, storms engaged with strength and determination, was a playbill full of powerful and moving scenes.  Their future? In spite of the challenge of watching these once bright lights slowly dim, I am confident and assured.  Living in the moment here is a matter of putting one foot in front of the other, not giving much thought…using life’s experience to help guide the next step.

When I think of these women, the rest of my family and the many people for whom I am thankful during this holiday season, I slip to a quiet room in my mind.  Here I find a settled place and and call up the plaintiff sound Ella Fitzgerald singing the Gershwin brother’s music and words: 

"The way you wear your hat, 
The way you sip your tea, 
The mem'ry of all that -- 
No, no! They can't take that away from me! 
The way your smile just beams, 
The way you sing off key, 
The way you haunt my dreams -- 
No, no! They can't take that away from me!"

Thankful would be an understatement!

- ted