Compliments count...

“Those that have, can…

Those that do not have so often do”

- Anonymous

The teacher from a small school had won an award and had been asked to give an acceptance speech.  When he got to the part where he thanked the people most meaningful in his life – he thanked the mailman behind the counter at the Penn State University Post Office…a fellow, by the way he had not really known that well.

According to the news report, “Mike the Mailman” (Mike Herr) has worked that mailroom since 1978.  Students and others stand in long lines for him for two reasons:

1.     To post a letter/package or buy stamps, and

2.     To engage his enthusiasm and positive attitude

The young teacher said, the small moments he engaged this man at the post office had been inspirational to him and had shaped his life.  It was Mike’s attitude that was a role model and inspired him.

The news report went on to say, some people come to buy stamps when they don’t need them, simply because Mike brightens their day – everyone gets an uplifting or joyful comment.

·      “Great looking shoes.” 
·      “Did you paint those nails yourself?  Nice job!”
·      “The wrapping on that package is excellent!”

When asked why, for more than three decades, people have been drawn to the Post Office and stand in sometimes long lines just to interact with him, Mike says he doesn’t really know…he is just being himself.  This is part of the magic…or rather the meaningful rhythm of the universe…finding and being one’s self.

In a society filled with consumption and status, this fellow with little more than a smile and consistent appreciation for those in front of him…makes a difference.  There seems little doubt he does so for others, but he also makes a difference for himself.

Not just Mike…

This brings us to my friend Uffe and taxi drivers.  He and I have had conversations about how the small, unanticipated kindnesses make differences in people’s lives.  We have recounted to each other what they have meant to us. 

A few years ago, he began chatting with taxi drivers in Copenhagen where he works.  He asks them how its going…how long they have been driving…has it been a long day, and other things if he has a little more time.  He has heard many interesting stories, but what is even better is the way he feels after interacting with these folk.  Like Mike the Mailman, Uffe knows an important life secret. 

It has two parts.

The first …

We often sacrifice much in the way of our time to make ourselves appear more attractive to others through education, appearance, economic status, political loyalty, and more.  A lot of time and energy is spent on this.  It is amazing, however, what a small unexpected word of kindness and edification toward another human being can do for their spirit…their moment of fatigue…their unspoken need to be appreciated.  This part of the secret must happen first – taking a moment to edify another human being…a ‘random act of kindness’ if you will.

Next!

The second…

The deal is this – and this is important.  We get a greater reward in the giving – in the language of business…a multiple!  Invest a dollar and get a percentage gain in the deal.  It makes sense, but there is an important criterion to make it actually work.  Unlike business, when we give in this context, it must be freely given from the heart, without an expectation of reward – a paradox, because the reward comes only when we are not seeking it.

Everything we do has, at some level, ‘self’ interest involvement/motivation.  If it is one-sided it is ‘selfish,’ where our interest is personal gain or attention.  One reason we often feel empty is that we expect a reward, not for excellence, but simply for doing - a ‘we deserve’ mindset.  In reality, we deserve nothing…nothing but the opportunity to act.  We receive according to what we give.  While it is true rewards and attention come from doing things purposefully to be seen or for attention, no prize will satisfy – the more we get, the more we want because that kind of reward does not fill the void, no matter how successful.  Some argue this is just the way the world works.  Mike and Uffe might disagree.

They understand there is a different kind of self-gain.  The kind that comes when giving simply because it feels right – not selfish, but selfless.  It is here, and only here where the secret can be fully realized.

My friend Uffe and Mike the Mailman have learned from experience, the real return in life comes only when they first give of their spirit to another living creature.  Receiving on its own is not unpleasant, but it is not fully rewarding, for it is an event, and in some ways not satisfying.  Giving of oneself to another creates a dialogue of the human spirit…it becomes the great equalizer where what we do, where we’re from, the culture or gender we represent, all drift away as we find our common humanity.

Giving without expectation is the first step in the feedback loop of receiving…a conversation rather than a monologue…finding, even creating moments of common ground, is one of the deep and richest secrets of life.

Mike the mailman was asked ‘why’ he did this. He said he didn’t know; it was just the way he was.  That was the wrong question.  Ask my friend Uffe ‘why,’ and he might say a similar thing. 

The real question?  “Mike/Uffe, how does it make you feel when you do this?”  While the answer can only be surmised for Mike, Uffe would say, “I feel energized…connected…alive…a part of life…better.” 

Over the shoulder…

I am entering the final quarter of my life, and I suppose it is natural to ask questions that are more philosophic or spiritual in nature.  A large part of the journey now completed, there is a lifetime over which to reflect…mistakes made…lessons learned.

There is much for which I am grateful…many places I have seen that have caused wonder in my heart and elevated my soul…experiences never anticipated nor expected.  And yet, the thing that continues to gratify me the most are the small, unseen human interactions where the cables of life connect to another human being in short, intimate moments of edification.

If you take a few moments to reflect, I am confident you will have little trouble distinguishing between rewards sought for self, and rewards received from the human connection. Those brief moments when the invisible satellite channels of open communication link us with others is where life really happens. Dropping small pebbles of humanity into other’s lives create ripples that go, who knows where.  If they go no further than the two beating hearts connected in the moment – for me it is enough.

On the other hand, those small ‘pebbles of life’ dropped into the mind of another might change everything about them…and us.

- ted