It’s good to come home...

“Homeward bound, I wish I was homeward bound
Home, where my thoughts escapin',

home, where my music's playin'
Home, where my love lies waitin'

silently for me.”

- Paul Simon

Sometimes you have the opportunity to catch your breath…take a look around and settle into a comforting thought or two.  Life can be so busy with things occupying our time that we don’t often have moments to reflect.

Reflection [ri flékshan]: 1.The act of reflecting or the state of being reflected. 

2 - An image; representation; counterpart. 

3 - fixing of the thoughts on something; careful consideration. 

4 - A thought occurring in consideration or meditation.

Outward bound…

When I was younger, I looked forward to traveling.  I can remember the first time I journeyed overseas.  Well, the first time was to Vietnam and that time was so hectic and full of things to do, from a military standpoint, it is a bit of a blur.  No, the first time would come many years later, 26 years to be precise, when I had an opportunity to speak in Würzburg, Germany. 

I remember sitting in a small circle of researchers in the Marriot Hotel in La Jolla, California.  We had just finished a spine conference and a few of the faculty were reviewing the conference.  A couple of Swiss folks were going to put on a conference in Wüzburg the next year and asked whether I might be interested in speaking.  I said casually, “I think I can do this.  I’ll check my calendar to confirm the dates.” 

That’s what I said.  My thoughts were quite different…“Are you kidding me?? You want me to do what???  Europe?? Pay me??”  In truth, the excitement was so extreme I had to clasp my hands together to keep them from shaking with excitement!

Well prepped…

As a youngster, my mother provided the guiding light for my life.  During the day, she did the things most mum’s do, but at night just before that kiss good night, the stories would come.  Family stories…Bible stories…Children’s stories…Historical stories…stories about practically everything – or at least it seemed so to a little boy.  The world opened to my eyes through the words spoken by this amazing woman, I was privileged to call ‘mother.’

Her family roots were Scottish, but she loved the English.  She told me stories of England and London…enough that I had a longing to visit.  My father’s chosen profession was the ministry – not one that provided much economic freedom.  There would not be money to travel and see the world, so my mother’s stories would have to suffice.  They did, however, light a fire that I would carry to this very day!

It happened and more…

I did go to Germany that year, and on the way home spent three days in London!  My life was now complete.  I felt I could have stayed there forever.  Too soon, the time ended and I reluctantly was homeward bound.  Unexpectedly at the time, I found myself in Europe a number of times in subsequent years…a blessing, no doubt!

Several years later, an opportunity came to visit China and Singapore, places I had only heard about, but had occupied a place of strong interest in my heart.  My friend WingLee arranged for us to make this trip.  I remember, a similar feeling I had on my first visit to Europe…until I actually got on the plane and it left the ground, I was unsure whether this was real or a dream!  China was everything I had imagined and so much more…what I imagined had been started by that woman telling stories to a little boy, just before that kiss goodnight…the reality only confirmed the love that had driven those stories.

The dance continues, but changes…

Since that first trip, there have been many more places, all of which have led to the same feelings of anticipation and excitement.  In my sixth decade, I still feel the same stirrings in my stomach and heart for the ‘unknown’ that lies ahead as I buckle my seatbelt preparing for the next adventure.

Something, however, has changed over these years.  In the oddest of ways, there has been a shift in the slipstream of time.  I am not sure exactly how to express it, but there has been a definite alteration in feelings when traveling.

In the early years (early years being in my forties when I made that first trip), the excitement to go, far outweighed the longing to return home.  The ‘outbound’ simply overwhelmed the ‘inbound.’  It is not that I didn’t look forward to coming home…I did, but it was, well…simply less exciting than heading out.

Somewhere in the mix, a balance developed…meaning; coming home was equally as pleasant a thought as going out.  By now, the curve has shifted.  I still love to go out – there is little doubt of that – BUT coming home…coming home is as comforting a thought as I can imagine.

I think this is a metaphor for life itself.  In the beginning, there is so much going on; there is no time for reflection or thought.  Stuff just happens – you will live forever! 

As time goes on, and enough things have happened to permit a bit of contemplation, things take on a context.  Epictetus says:

“The unexamined life is not worth living, in this way we should never simply accept an impression…but say to it? ‘Just a minute; let me see what you are and where you come from.’ ” – Epictetus, Discourses

As I reflect on the journey thus far, thoughts of mortality are unavoidable.  A recognition that no matter what has been done or accomplished, there is an end…or is there? 

Looking at the unavoidable horizon of life, I find an excitement building for the flight to the next unknown.  It is hard to put this into words…indeed, I simply do not have them…BUT as curious as I am about the impending flight from which there is no mortal return…I simply cannot wait to get home!!

- ted