Sunday, December 15, 2013

The Samaritan was good...

“A man…was attacked by robbers…a priest passed by….
a Levite…passed by…But a Samaritan…
took pity on him…
go and do likewise.”
– Christ: The Bible

Thunk…thunk…thunk… The rhythm was consistent, but seemed unrelated to the smooth asphalt surface I was riding on.   Nine miles down and three to go on an isolated trail that ran beside a broad ‘wash’ which during the rainy season drains and combines rivulets of water from the surrounding mountains until they rush like the mighty wind…gravity pulling the flowing wetness from their peaks.

Thunk…thunk…thunk… The ride had been smooth, but what was that rhythmic beat I both heard and felt?  I stopped the bike and got off.  The sound?  I was riding the rim of a completely flat front tire!!

What a great day…
The morning had been a chilly 35 degrees (1.6C), but as the day found its early afternoon tempo, the temperature in this desert southwest community made its way to the upper 60s (15+C) with a gentle breeze as refreshing as a newborn baby’s breath!  Yep, the morning had passed and I had an itch to get on my bike and go for a ride.

Tucson is one of the most bicycle friendly cities I have ever been in.  Our little neighborhood sits just on the edge of one of the north south avenues that can be pretty busy at the boundaries of the day during rush hour.   Early afternoon is NOT such a time, and the bike lane for the first mile or so is wide and smooth.  After that, there are small two-lane bicycle/walking trails that make the 12-mile loop from door to door, on the edge of the Catalina mountains, a beautiful and safe ride!

A bit of history…
I have ridden off and on for many years.  While my first bicycle came in the form of a hand me down in my sixth year; our family moved to West Virginia in my eighth year, and those ‘West Virginia Hills’ proved too much of a barrier for frequent bike riding.  Those began the ‘off’ years. 

The next ‘on’ would be nearly 20 years later when studying for a graduate degree in LaCrosse, Wisconsin.  There was no money for a car, and since I lived a fair distance from the university, a bicycle became my transportation.  It was great to ride that fall, as the air cooled and the orchards across the Mississippi River in La Crescent, Minnesota began to distribute the fruit of their labor – the best freshly picked Honey Crisp apples I had ever eaten!  Winter, on the other hand, was a bit more of a challenge, but as long as there was either no snow or the roads were plowed, that old bike worked well – even when the temperatures were well below zero (-17.7C)!

Bicycle transportation stayed ‘on’ through more graduate work in Missouri, a marriage to Molly Ann Eberhard, and the first few years of teaching at a local university in Jefferson City, where the two of us landed and remained, I might add, for nearly 30 years.  We had a car, but I loved riding that bike. 

In the late 80s, biking was ‘off,’ with a research position in Columbia, Missouri some 30 miles (48km) north of our home.  I tried to ride on weekends, but it wasn’t long before that old bike found its way into the hands of some unknown ‘yard sale poker arounder.’  I loved the work, but there is little doubt, I missed that old peddle pusher!

Happy days are here again…
In 2008, we moved to San Diego, California in a somewhat circuitous route from Missouri, by way of four more non-biking years in Troy, Michigan.  San Diego is a bike riding town, where lone riders and packs – up to 20 or more – can be seen riding all over the county.  By now in my sixties, I wondered whether I still had ‘heat’ for self propelled transportation, so after asking some questions of friends who rode, I purchased a hybrid bike, and rode that thing until last year when a 65 year old man (just my age at the time) was hit by a car and killed.  The fellow was following proper riding etiquette, but simply found himself in the wrong place at the wrong time.  The bike switch turned ‘off.’

It is important to note here, that I am NOT really a bike rider…I am a noodler.  Bike riders routinely travel pretty significant distances, and do so with great vigor!   Most of the ones I know tell me of the 50 to 100 miles treks they do on weekends, you know…just because!  A noodler, on the other hand, just pokes around investigating neighborhoods, with the occasional 10 to 15 mile stretch of moderate speed riding – moderate meaning 12 or so miles per hour (19km/hr).

Thunk…thunk…
When I realized the tire was flat, I called Molly to tell her the situation.  I had ridden on that flat for nearly five minutes before the ‘foot/brain’ connection was made, so if the rim had been damaged, I had a couple of miles of bike pushing before she could meet me with the car. 

I flipped the bike over, took of the front wheel, grateful it had been the front and NOT the back tire, and went about the business of removing the inner tube from the wheel.  Everything about the deal was pretty good news.  The rim was good; I had a spare in a little pack under the seat, along with some tools and a small gas cylinder with which to inflate the new tire.

I had moved the bike just off the trail so that it would not be in anyone’s way, and as I went about the process of making the switch several bikers and walkers passed by without saying anything. 

Just as I seated the new inner tube to the rim and began slipping the tire in place on top of it, a voice from out of nowhere said, “Hey, do you need any help?”  You know the way it is when you are concentrating on something and don’t realize you are?  I did not hear the biker come up, I did not even sense his presence, and so the voice startled me.

I turned around to see a fellow about my age, bike parked on the other side of the path.  “I’m sorry, what?” I said.  “Do you need any help?” he replied.  “No thanks,” I continued, “I’m just finishing up,” turning back to my bike.  He tethered the conversation a little more by saying, “You’re lucky it was the front tire.  A back tire flat can be a bitch to change!”  I was thinking, “Listen man, thanks, but I have a tire to fix here and get home.”  Then I had that little voice in my head saying, “Hey, pay attention here.  Do you think this guy stopped by accident?”

With that, we began a bit of small talk.  Doug was his name.  He had been a Wall Street Bonds professional, who had been successful enough to retire in his early forties.  He had been married a couple of times siring four children; now well into productive professional careers.  

It turns out he was talkative and interesting…not so much worthy of a story here…except for this.  I was about to ask him a little about how he enjoyed retirement in Tucson.  We are new here, and it seemed like a good opportunity to get a little insight into the community.  Maybe this was the reason to carry on the conversation.

It turns out he was NOT from Tucson and knew nothing about it.  So what the heck was he doing on this trail, on this day, at this time? 

In fact, he was by himself pulling a big camper, with his dog, from Florida to San Diego, where he decided he would spend the winter.  While having been in Los Angeles any number of times in his life, he had never been to San Diego and thought he and the dog might enjoy the winter climate.   Somewhere in Northern Arizona the animal got sick.  As he headed through Phoenix to pick up Interstate 8 to San Diego, the dog became much worse.  He frantically drove to Tucson, found an animal surgeon who, as it turns out, saved the dog’s life. Without the surgery it would have died a miserably painful death from a twisted stomach.

Doug had parked his camper in a local State Park, and thought a bike ride might relieve some of the stress and depression he felt from nearly having lost his dog.  In fact, he really did not know where he was and was just about to turn around and return on the trail the way he had come when he saw me.

We hung around chatting for a few minutes and I told him he was actually on the ‘down hill side’ of a loop that he could complete if he kept going, heading toward my place.  “Let’s ride together then.” He said.

The next three miles we took our time, chatting comfortably as though we had been lifetime friends.  As we got to the gate of my little neighborhood we pulled off the road before he headed for his final five miles.  I thanked him for stopping to see if he could help.  He said, “No, thank you!  I really didn’t have any tools with me to be able to help, I just felt to stop, and I was rewarded.  I was depressed and needed to talk about my dog…your company filled the bill.” 

Paying attention...
Usually, these kinds of things happen to me because I try to keep my antenna alert to possible situations and experiences.  I am usually NOT on the receiving end.  This week, I was reminded that an open hand works both ways, and while Doug felt he got more than he gave, he was wrong.  We both got exactly what we needed…a human connection in a moment when we were both open.  Had he not stopped, nothing would have happened, yet he did.  He needed to talk about his dog; I needed to pay better attention in the midst of my own circumstance.


What began as a good day became a great day, and I realized that life is not always about the ride, often it is about the flat tires!

- ted

Sunday, December 8, 2013

Night visions...

“You can choose to do what you want,
but you cannot choose to want what you want.”
– Anonymous

It was late…we were supposed to meet and go out together. I had been texting…she had not been answering – the texts or the calls…I wasn’t happy.

I gave up and decided to go without her.

Just as I put on my coat she came in the door with Billy H., an old friend from church in Missouri.  He actually did not come in, but stayed just outside the door on the small, lighted porch, his pale, slender face slightly illuminated in the background. 

This was not the first time and one would think I would know better…

She was different…
Her life was so often like this.  To be around her was to accept the inevitable truth that one cannot build fences around windmills, and to be around her was to acknowledge this simply came with the territory.

Trying to hide, what had been a building frustration, and in a tone more like a petulant child, I replied,  “I thought you weren’t going to make it so I was just heading out.”  She ignored the tone, and simply said, “Give me a couple of minutes and I’ll be ready.”

I was upset, but it had always been hard for me to stay angry with her.  There was just something about her rhythm…her look…her spirit.  Like the unrelenting tug of gravity…it simply ‘was,’ and the truth is, I loved her for it.  It was kind of like remaining angry with her was not acceptable – simply not an option.  An almost palpable aura came off her like the mist on an autumn morning drifting upward from the calm waters of a small back country pond. The unmistakable unspoken sensation that reached across the room saying,  “You understand you are NOT permitted to be upset with me.  Right?”  And so, as I had been so diligently trained over the decades we had known each other…I could not be.

It had always been like that with her.  You know how it is when you are connected with someone – the recognition over time how special and important it is.  It is something you know in the quietness of your heart, that while there may be acquaintances and deeply held friends…there are few with whom we really connect…in that honest pulsing place where no one but the Almighty can see, where few…very few…seem to inherently know the combination to that secret portal of the soul, reaching straight in, past the barriers – real or imagined – to touch us with the clarity of the first rays of sunshine slipping over the mountains on the eastern horizon.

Back to the event…
She came in, took off her coat, put her things down, made the “…sorry…” comment in her own way…knowing it was really unnecessary, because it was unconditionally accepted by me.  “Give me a couple of minutes, and I’ll be ready,” she had said.  And so she was, and off we went to some event that has been lost to the night reveries with which she came.  The event may have slipped away, but the ‘time’ with her was not.  While I have known few who could so frustrate me, I have known none I consistently felt so much life with.

It is a strange thing…dreaming…
It had been quite awhile since I had seen her.  It is not that I hadn’t tried to connect with her…it is not that I hadn’t prayed for her to come to me…it is not that I hadn’t needed to feel her spirit again, but that great ‘scheduler in the sky’ had not been able to get anything set up on her calendar or mine. My texts and calls to Him had also gone unanswered, but then what does one say to the Creator of the Universe? – “Hey, are you listening to me?”  Probably not.

So I tucked into bed like every other night with no expectation.  The day had been long and I was tired…the gentle ‘gift of the gods’ came quickly.

“It was late…we were supposed to meet and go out together. I had been texting…she had not been answering – the texts or the calls…I wasn’t happy.

I gave up and decided to go without her.”

Epilogue…
I woke from the dream with a tear stained face…not tears of sorrow, but pleasure and joy for having been able to spend a little time with her once again, even if it was only in my mind in the drifting vapors of a dream.

It will be two years in February since my sister left us, in the withering pitch black, cobweb filled cave of Alzheimer’s, her essence wrapped tightly in the strangling straight jacket of impending death.  This is the way she left us…it is NOT the way she lived her life. 


I look forward to ‘seeing her’ again…

- ted

Sunday, December 1, 2013

It was another day...

“On the whole human beings want to be good, 
but not too good, and not quite all the time.”
- George Orwell, 
All Art is Propaganda: 
Critical Essays

“You know, I just looked around and he’s gone.”

It was the sixties…the country was involved in two wars…one the jungles of Vietnam, the other - the streets of America.  Both with multiple fronts upon which fighting took place.  Vietnam was a complicated moral issue.  There is little doubt looking back, it was not a shining moment in our political or military history.  The expression “old men start wars…young men fight them” could not have been more appropriate.  The Chinese, the French and us – the U.S., all eventually succumbed to  this little spot of land almost no one in America even knew existed until the early 1960s.

While it was true, there was a kind of moral outrage on the part of the youth of this country…more relevant; however, was the fear of actually dying that fed much of that moral indignation.  One might argue almost anything – moral outrage included – informs the decision making process when confronted with the very real possibility of losing one’s life.  Even then, I understood the argument both ways. 

No conscious decision…
I went to Vietnam, but it was not a moral decision…I am uncertain that I had an honest point of view in those days.  It was, if I were to be totally honest, something in front of me that simply required taking the next step in a course put in motion by a bureaucratic machine with all the compassion and understanding of a telephone pole riding the slopes of the Appalachian Mountains in the great state of West Virginia, from which I was plucked like a lump of bituminous coal buried deep in the ground, broken free by one of those larger than life hydraulic mining machines.  As the day came, in truth it was just another day on the horizon of a life that so far had very seldom had any sense of what lay ahead.  Thirteen months later when I stepped off a charter flight in Fort Dix, New Jersey, while certainly not the young man that had earlier left these American shores, my sense of the day was not too terribly different.  Tomorrow?  I had no idea!    

Then there was this….
The other war in this country was the Civil Rights movement.  In fact, while active, I was as most white people more a bystander.  It was (still is), in fact, a long battle in this country…a nationally personal battle, for it was NOT fought within the borders of a small unknown country across the expanses of the Pacific Ocean and South China Sea, it was here…it was intimate…it was real, and if one lived a middle to lower middle class life with a sense of moral duty, as my family had, it was personal and a frequent topic of conversation.

I really cannot comment on the African American experience, because regardless of my involvement, when I looked in the mirror I saw a character with a moderately friction free life, and a future that I could construct in pretty much any way I wanted.   It is the rope climbing metaphor.  I could talk about climbing the rope for racial equality, but I was not then and never could actually be on that rope.

In fact, I was pretty involved in issues of race as a youngster…hard to avoid with a minister father who had a deep and resonant sense of justice and moral indignation; a man willing to step up to the plate and engage the system with a sense of fearlessness that to this day I find inspiring.  And yet, at the end of the day, I tucked myself into bed in the safety of ‘my’ community readying myself for the next day, whatever it might bring.

The topic is too big…
This piece is not one about moral justice, nor is it intended to comment on the struggle of those who find themselves on the front lines fighting for nothing more than equal rights whether they be gender, ethnic or sexual.  The battle between the status quo, comfortable within the life it has created or into which it was born, and those seeking nothing more than the freedom to live their lives on an equal playing field, is historically ancient, somewhat distracting and well beyond my capacity to articulate here. 

No, this piece is about an African American woman by the name of Loretta Mary Aiken, aka Jackie Mabley, and her convergence with a white man by the name of Dick Holler...it is uncertain if they ever met.  Yet an intersection of their talents converged in a way one might never have imagined nor predicted considering their personal journeys and the era into which they found ‘a place.’

Jackie Mabley, a brilliant iconoclastic humorist, created the character ‘Moms’ and gained popularity in the late 1920s in a part of American culture completely invisible to a youngster growing up in those West Virginia hills…that is until someone played records of her stand up comedy routines.  She played what was called the Chitlin' Circuit of African American Vaudeville for nearly forty years, before she was ‘discovered’ by the American mainstream.  Her humor was earthy, frank, often sexually explicit and just plain funny.  “Plain funny” to folk like me, but as I have come to appreciate, a deep and rich social commentary that, in those days, I simply didn’t get.

More similar than maybe we know…
Camelot!  Those of you, of a certain age, will recognize that word as meaning more than the Alan Lerner and Fredrick Lowe musical made popular in the day. 

“Camelot” came to represent a time of innocence in America that began to come apart with the assassinations of John Kennedy, his brother Bobby, and Martin Luther King leading Dick Holler to pen words to what became a ballad of social conscience, “Abraham, Martin and John” – a short song reflecting the abbreviated lives of Abraham Lincoln, John Kennedy, Martin Luther King and Bobby Kennedy.

The song touched a large part of American Culture and was popularized by Dion DiMucci (Dion and the Belmonts) a pop singer in the fifties and sixties…it’s short and worth listening to (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZL81tPHp82g). 

The haunting refrain is repeated several times in this piece substituting each of these men’s names in the new stanza.

“Has anybody here seen my old friend Abraham (Martin, John, Bobby)?
Can you tell me where he's gone?
He freed a lot of people,
But it seems the good they die young.
You know, I just looked around and he's gone.”

These verses were followed by:

“Didn’t you love the things they stood for?
Didn’t they try to find some good for you and me?
And we’ll be free
Some day soon, it’s a gonna be one day…”

In subsequent years, it was recorded and performed by many artists including among others Marvin Gaye, Kenny Rogers, Ray Charles and Andy Williams.  This song touched me then, and this week after watching a documentary on the life of ‘Moms’ Mabley, reached through the decades and touched me again.

She recorded this song in 1969 some six years before her death.  By now the character that Loretta Mary Aiken had cultivated and honed over decades of work was in the right time…the right place to put her life’s work…her experience…the pain and richness of her journey into these words.  It made Billboard’s top 10 that year, making it probably the greatest commercial success of her life.  And yet for those of you who lived in that era her performance on a day time television show created a transcendent moment.  For those who never heard of this woman, nor have any sense of what those days were like, her raspy voice might just find a way to slip through your tympanic membranes, vibrate some little hairs of your inner ear, making their way into the soft folds of your grey matter drifting gently south along the neural pathways and settling softly somewhere mid chest – that would be your heart.


If you have a little time, you will enjoy this performance: (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mobZZRcrCHA)

- ted